IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people think that young people should be free to choose any career they like while others say they should think more realastic about their future. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #career #realastic #future
There are many arguments both for and against giving the ability to under 25 individuals to choose their
future
 career freely in
this
 essay I will deal with some of the opinions for and against
this
 matter and
finally
 I will give my
idea
 about
this
 issue. First of all, a group of men and women believe that we can not give too much freedom to
this
 group of children that may think and act unrealistic due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 lack of knowledge
besides
 the dangerous brevity which can have a negative effect on their
future
 life and job. They always tell a story about a bird who did not collect food during spring for its use during the winter and faced huge problems.
On the other hand
, a great number of people think that it is a brilliant
idea
 to leave the younger ones to think and choose their
future
 work by themselves which means helping them during
this
 hardest time of life but not forcing them to act like our ideas or plans.
Also
, they believe that the new generation is more intelligent than them
due to
 they can easily and freely make important decisions in their life. All in all, I do not think the former
idea
 is completely true due that they minimise the effect of individuals on their careers which directly affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
future
.
Moreover
, I completely agree with
Correct article usage
the ladder
show examples
ladder
Capitalize word
Ladder
show examples
 group with the
idea
 of giving free choice to younger but conducting and supervising them in
this
 way with our knowledge to be sure they do not ruin their
future
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and that ideas are linked logically throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented to provide a better structure for the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, punctuation, and verb tenses to achieve clearer and more accurate expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: