IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think saving money is good, but others think that spending money is a better way to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Over time society is consuming more and more. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that shopping and buying whatever they want is a positive lifestyle, others
on the contrary
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 think is better to save cash.
This
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 essay will both
views
Correct subject-verb agreement
view
show examples
 and state my opinion on the matter. Spending
money
Use synonyms
 can bring joy to many
people
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.
For instance
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, if one can afford a car that everyone dreams about, that person would feel very proud of themself for being able to achieve
such
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 a great achievement.
Moreover
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, buying material products
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
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 feel successful in
life
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. Nowadays with the explosion of the internet,
people
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 feel good showing their expensive bags, jewellery, and other accessories as part of a show-off trend.
Thus
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, the idea of spending can be seen as a positive trend for social media users.
On the other hand
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, Saving
money
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 can be extremely positive for
people
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’s lives.
Firstly
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, the feeling of being financially secure. The more
money
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 one can have in the
bank
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 account the more financially secure they are.
Life
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 can be unpredictable and unexpected situations can arise.
For instance
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, an expensive extra medical bill just came to be paid, but
due to
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 the savings in the
bank
Use synonyms
 account, that bill would not be an extra stress.
Additionally
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, it can bring a satisfactory feeling of freedom. It is evident that
people
Use synonyms
 who save
money
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a purpose in
life
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,
such
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 as buying a new house or a car.
This
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 would only be possible with the
money
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 that has been put aside in the
bank
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.
To conclude
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,
people
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 can spend
money
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 and find joy,
while
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 others believe that having backup
money
Use synonyms
 is a better way to conduct
life
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. In my opinion, even though
money
Use synonyms
 expenditure can be exciting, having some savings in the
bank
Use synonyms
 can be way more positive in the long run.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and provides a clear thesis statement expressing your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion. Ensure that the conclusion is present and effectively closes the essay.
lexical resource
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms and idiomatic expressions, to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
Make use of a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to demonstrate a more sophisticated grammatical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial stability
  • Security
  • Freedom
  • Pursue dreams and goals
  • Emergency funds
  • Experiences
  • Enjoyment
  • Quality of life
  • Improving
  • Purchases
  • Supporting
  • Economy
  • Creating jobs
  • Balance
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