IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries are strungling with increase in crime rates. Some berlive that having more police on the street is bestway to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the majority part of monopolies are frustrated with an increase in crime rates.
Although
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 it would be useful to concentrate more
police
Use synonyms
 on the street , it would be more efficient if there were cruel punishments.
To begin
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 with, having more
police
Use synonyms
 on the streets would be supportable to decrease the high percentage of criminals.
Police
Use synonyms
officers
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 would be able to react to calls as quickly as possible which will increase the probability of being caught .
For example
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, there was an experiment in Spain where one of two of the most dangerous streets was provided by double
officers
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.
As a result
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, the first zone caught 10 thefts in only a week,
while
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 the second spent a month.
Thus
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,
rise
Add an article
the rise
a rise
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 of
police
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officers
Use synonyms
 in the area can provide better visibility and deterrence. Rather than involving more
officers
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, it will be more effective to introduce rude punishments
such
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 as violence or electric chair. The criminals will worry not only about the prison but
also
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 their life that’s why they will not
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 the offence. To be more precise, it will be neither serving time nor fine. It will be crippling and cutting body parts.
For instance
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, in the UAE government cut the hand of those who have done a theft.
For
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this
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 reason, the UAE has the lowest figure for crime.
Therefore
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, the implementation of cruel punishment is more effective. In conclusion,
nevertheless
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, crime rates are inevitable, and it will be possible to decline the occurrence If people take
this
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 matter seriously by introducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishments.

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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic, but the ideas are not fully developed. More detailed explanations should be provided to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is well-organized and focuses on a single main idea. The second paragraph introduces too many ideas which makes the argument less clear.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better transitions between ideas and paragraphs for smoother flow of thoughts.
Task Achievement
Avoid extreme suggestions, like 'cruel punishments'. Emphasize on more plausible and balanced solutions for crime reduction.
Task Achievement
Try to avoid small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which provides a good structure to your argument.
Task Achievement
You have provided a relevant example from Spain to support your point which strengthens your argument.
Task Achievement
You have a clear position which you consistently argue throughout the essay, which helps give your essay focus.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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