IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more importany to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays have differing ideas as regards their
time
Use synonyms
 spent. One side says that increasing your profession is the right path to succeed in a
career
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue it is a necessary factor to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with closer
people
Use synonyms
. I would argue that it is better to develop your
career
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
, the option to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends is important, and
this
Linking Words
 is so good for your mental health, and
this
Linking Words
 can increase your relationships with closer
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, your family and friends and you need each other for convincing reasons.
For instance
Linking Words
, you can help and get help in certain areas of a job or a study.
This
Linking Words
 is a good tendency for a lot of
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others, including me, believe that it is more effective to spend
time
Use synonyms
 increasing your qualifications in your
career
Use synonyms
 area. Because the human life span is so short you must do everything to create a successful
career
Use synonyms
 and life. If you can do
this
Linking Words
, you will have certain spending
time
Use synonyms
 for family and friends.
In addition
Linking Words
, the person who finds a great
career
Use synonyms
 and job has a lot of advantages in his/her life.
For instance
Linking Words
, you can help everyone who is your family member or friend,and you can
also
Linking Words
 increase your relationship with each other after the isolation period for a
career
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, considering the requirements to become a successful person in your
career
Use synonyms
, I have come to the conclusion that
people
Use synonyms
 must dedicate their
time
Use synonyms
 and hearts to their careers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples to support your points. It will make your argument more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
Ensure all your main points are fully developed with supporting details. This will enhance clarity and demonstrate depth of analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing clearer links between some paragraphs and ideas to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using transition phrases to further connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main viewpoints are adequately discussed.
task achievement
The argument supporting career development is well-articulated.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • strike a balance
  • ambitious
  • dedicated
  • work-life balance
  • career-oriented
  • professional success
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • contribute
  • supportive
  • cherish
  • bond
  • memorable
  • experience
  • social connections
  • commitment
  • advocate
  • sacrifice
  • juggle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: