Do the advantages of living in villages outweighs living in cities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern society, some individuals assume that it is best to accept unpleasant circumstances,
such
Linking Words
as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
an unsatisfactory career or financial issues,
whereas
Linking Words
others share the same thought that it is more practical to strive to cope with these harsh scenarios. My following essay will thoroughly explore both perspectives and explain with opinions. On one hand, it is understandable for people to accept undesirable situations because of their background.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are numerous students whose family is stuck in poverty, so they have to drop out and give up a chance to go to university or
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
show examples
higher education. If they decide to be postgraduates, their family can be in trouble with a great deal of
tuitions
Fix the agreement mistake
tuition
show examples
which they have to pay for. For fear of being a financial burden to their family, a number of students who come from
low
Correct word choice
the lower
show examples
class consider that the best way is
giving
Wrong verb form
to give
show examples
up higher education,
instead
Linking Words
, they go to work to help their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. To my mind, In
such
Linking Words
cases, acceptance can be regarded as a reasonable solution which we can come up with.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are numerous reasons for people to
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
show examples
for betterment. At
first,
Linking Words
it will give you a chance to improve your living expectancy. When you develop yourself day by day, you will learn new skills,
observe
Correct word choice
and observe
show examples
new knowledge, all of which can be a way to solve your problem. If you keep staying without doing anything, nothing will change. But should you make a huge effort, you will stand a chance to work miracles to have a brighter future. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
mindset. People should not have
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
much sense of complacency in harsh situations, but fight for betterment, which I consider as a more effective solution to overcome several severe ordeals. Acceptance or tackling unwanted scenarios both have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own perks. From my point of view, it is you who decide which is the best solution by flexibly using each method efficiently when you are taken into trouble.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in analyzing both perspectives. Ensure to provide a more balanced and comprehensive analysis of the given topic, discussing both sides equally with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is adequate, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to effectively frame your argument. Additionally, ensure that your main points are well supported and connected throughout the essay for better cohesion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary and expressions is fairly good, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use it accurately to convey your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Your essay demonstrates basic control of grammatical structures and sentence formation. However, there are instances of errors in verb tenses, sentence structure, and word usage. Strive for more accuracy and complexity in your language use to elevate your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: