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Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental Problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more impotent environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinian.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals #opinian
It is undoubtedly true that the remedy
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
damaged
Correct article usage
a damaged
show examples
environment
 is not that easy. Certain individuals opine that some species are going to
vanished
Wrong verb form
vanish
show examples
 and
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the main concern for the
environment
,
while
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the people feel that there are
others more
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 issues behind the problems.
However
, both of the perspectives will be narrated in the following paragraphs and, I will support the former view. On the one hand, the loss of endangered animals and their species is considered to be one of the major environmental
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
 at present time.
To begin
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature would lose not only its diversity but
also
 the natural balance
as well as
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 chain will be
disrupting
Wrong verb form
disrupted
show examples
. We should find out the factors behind the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 immensely and, that's why some positive steps should be taken immediately. If we consider one example
that is
 in China, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
distinct types of trees are being cut because of industrialization and
therefore
, the growth of diversified
habitants
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
 will be lost very soon
for
this
 reason.
On the other hand
, more detrimental activities have been found when it comes to
degradation
Correct article usage
the degradation
show examples
 of the
environment
 . Human beings are mostly responsible for their illegal act towards the
environment
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is why, the layer of the
environment
 is getting affected day by day and is now a big concern for the global. There is a remarkable
changes
Change the noun form
change
show examples
 in the weather of the world.
For instance
,
UN
Correct article usage
the UN
show examples
 takes significant steps to measure the continuous
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 through human activities. In conclusion, it can be said that both of the viewpoints have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
strong
logics
Fix the agreement mistake
logic
show examples
 to support their sites. But ultimately, I would say that it is our duty to ensure
safety
Add an article
the safety
show examples
 of the endangered species
otherwise
, the
environment
 will be affected enormously.
Submitted by mahamudzisan on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking phrases and ensure clarity by ensuring one idea smoothly transitions to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points are well-supported. Some points could be expanded upon or explained in greater detail to provide a more comprehensive argument.
task achievement
Take care of grammatical errors and refine sentence structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and proper sentence connectors to enhance readability.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and varied examples to illustrate and support your main points. An example was provided, but more detailed examples can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, which shows understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a structured beginning and ending to the essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a good attempt at discussing both sides of the issue, making it balanced and fair.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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