IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Topic: Today, many people do not know their neighbors in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#topic #people #neighbors #cities
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In recent years,
people
 not getting to know their neighbourhood has been a major concern. The reason for
this
 phenomenon is
due to
 their busy lifestyles and urbanization, which can be tackled by governments holding more community events.
Due to
 busy
work
 and deadlines which demand employees to try their best to complete the tasks,
people
 do not have time to make friends or communicate with other individuals.
As a result
, a long tiring day of
work
 can exhaust every worker, leading to a lack of energy and motivation to talk to their neighbors. Taking Tokyo as an example, where employees always
work
 until night to manage to afford their cost of living, they have no intention of being in a relationship with anyone and think it is time-consuming and a waste of their energy. Another reason for
this
 issue is the urbanization and mobility. As technology develops, moving to another place is no longer a problem for citizens and families. Lots of
people
 have to leave place to place frequently and go to other urban areas because of their job demands and conditions.
Consequently
,
this
 trend prevents individuals from hardly maintaining and strengthening their relationships for a long time, causing
people
 not to know each other despite living nearby.
However
, those problems can be solved by governments trying to operate more and more special events and occasions. Those activities will encourage individuals to be active and try connecting with their communities.
Therefore
, the interactions between residents will increase and enable them to get to know other
people
. Ho Chi Minh City is successful in connecting its citizens and improving their relationships by holding lots of festivals, which helps
people
 to have a chance to make friends without anxiety or shyness.
Hence
, neighbourhoods that do not know other
people
 are
due to
 the busy
work
 and urbanization.
Therefore
, authorities should operate more events to give chances for their folks to talk and make friends.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt adequately, providing relevant examples to support the points made.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-formed, providing a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Some improvements could be made to enhance coherence and cohesion, particularly in the transition between ideas.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of words effectively. However, more sophisticated and precise language could be used to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a good command of grammar, with minor errors. However, incorporating more complex sentence structures and varied grammatical patterns would enhance the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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