IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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There are people who prefer to continue working despite their old
age
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. I believe that it is more beneficial to continually do their job no matter what their
age
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 is. Some companies do not accept the elderly as their worker because
this
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 can affect the productivity of their institution. Because of
age
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, there are occupations in which they might find difficulty finishing the tasks on time.
For example
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, when a senior is working in a computer-based occupation, aside from handling technologies with hardship, some old workers experience pain in their hands
as a result
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 of arthritis.
Thus
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, they will be unable to type faster and
this
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 will decrease their productivity level, the reason why some establishments consider
age
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 as a factor causing delays in accomplishing the tasks of their department.
However
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, still choosing to pursue a career in spite of the
age
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 will help an individual maximize their capabilities and skills. Other geriatric employees are still able to complete their jobs perfectly. Some are considered team leader because they already mastered their field of
work
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.
For instance
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, elderly men who
work
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physician
Fix the agreement mistake
physicians
show examples
 for more than half of their lives, as senior doctors, are able to teach the young ones to give proper and appropriate treatment to their patients.
Furthermore
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, the longer the time they
work
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, the higher the pension they will receive once they have retired. Even though they are at their retirement
age
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, they can still save up money and use it once they are no longer working. In some countries
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, they are raising the retirement
age
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 and
work
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 as long as they can. Let’s say a 70-year-old nurse who is able to continuously provide support and care for a patient. They do not consider
age
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 as a hindrance in delivering services to people. In conclusion,
although
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age
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 specifically affects one’s ability to
work
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, I agree that it is better for them to go on and
work
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 as long as they are able to. Especially in the health sector which will be a huge help to other people and their society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument and ties back to the thesis.
task achievement
Try to develop counterarguments more explicitly and address potential misconceptions about the elderly in the workplace.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, such as discussions on physicians and nurses in the healthcare industry.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional words and phrases to maintain logical flow between ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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