Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say that this would have little effect on public healthand that other measure are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Recently lots of
people
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have been obese
due to
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their style of living,
such
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as lack of mobility and consuming a not healthy diet.
Moreover
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,
due to
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their busy
life
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,
people
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do not have time to
exercise
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. There is an argument that developing more sports
facilities
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can help to increase public health, whilst others think that other factors should be considered too.
This
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essay agrees that other measures should be taken and not only focus on the
number
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of sports
facilities
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available. Nowadays the gym is a favourite place for workouts,
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facilities
Correct word choice
and facilities
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such
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as
the
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apply
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equipment and class sessions are fully provided to aid the activity. Some
people
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believe that
this
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kind of
facilities
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should be developed more so that it will increase the health in the society.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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opinion as I believe that some
people
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are not really keen to visit
this
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kind of place as they are more comfortable doing workouts at their homes personally.
For example
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, these days lots of YouTube videos are available for those who are inconvenienced by visiting public sports
facilities
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. So, just increasing the
number
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of these
facilities
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is not enough to guarantee
public
Correct article usage
the public
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has
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apply
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a healthy
life
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. Lack of
exercise
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is
also
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due to
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having a hectic
life
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and lots of them believe that they do not have time for a workout. Unfortunately, some
people
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believe that workouts should be done in an extensive manner and find it is not convenient for them to spend time on that activity.
For example
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, some
people
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believe that hitting the gym for two hours is a way to
exercise
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and if less than that, it can not be considered
exercise
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.
This
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factor of changing societies' mindset regarding
exercise
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is the key factor to improve
overall
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public health. So, it is not the
number
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of
facilities
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available but it is the mindset of the
people
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on how important to have
exercise
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.
To conclude
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, The
number
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of
facilities
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available does not really affect the
number
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of
people
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who have the motivation to do
exercise
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but it is the way of shaping their thinking of how important is doing some
exercise
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in their
life
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.
Submitted by lavenia34808 on

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structuring
Provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay. Also, ensure a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes the key points and presents your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a consistent logical structure throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally to the next, and use cohesive devices to connect ideas coherently.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Also, pay attention to word choice and idiomatic usage to enhance lexical resource.
grammar
Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure. Aim for more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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