Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say that this would have little effect on public healthand that other measure are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Recently lots of
people
have been obese due to
their style of living, such
as lack of mobility and consuming a not healthy diet. Moreover
, due to
their busy life
, people
do not have time to exercise
. There is an argument that developing more sports facilities
can help to increase public health, whilst others think that other factors should be considered too. This
essay agrees that other measures should be taken and not only focus on the number
of sports facilities
available.
Nowadays the gym is a favourite place for workouts, facilities
Correct word choice
and facilities
such
as the
equipment and class sessions are fully provided to aid the activity. Some Correct article usage
apply
people
believe that this
kind of facilities
should be developed more so that it will increase the health in the society. However
, I disagree with this
opinion as I believe that some people
are not really keen to visit this
kind of place as they are more comfortable doing workouts at their homes personally. For example
, these days lots of YouTube videos are available for those who are inconvenienced by visiting public sports facilities
. So, just increasing the number
of these facilities
is not enough to guarantee public
Correct article usage
the public
has
a healthy Unnecessary verb
apply
life
.
Lack of exercise
is also
due to
having a hectic life
and lots of them believe that they do not have time for a workout. Unfortunately, some people
believe that workouts should be done in an extensive manner and find it is not convenient for them to spend time on that activity. For example
, some people
believe that hitting the gym for two hours is a way to exercise
and if less than that, it can not be considered exercise
. This
factor of changing societies' mindset regarding exercise
is the key factor to improve overall
public health. So, it is not the number
of facilities
available but it is the mindset of the people
on how important to have exercise
.
To conclude
, The number
of facilities
available does not really affect the number
of people
who have the motivation to do exercise
but it is the way of shaping their thinking of how important is doing some exercise
in their life
.Submitted by lavenia34808 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structuring
Provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay. Also, ensure a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes the key points and presents your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a consistent logical structure throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally to the next, and use cohesive devices to connect ideas coherently.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Also, pay attention to word choice and idiomatic usage to enhance lexical resource.
grammar
Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure. Aim for more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?