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Band 6

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities
At the present age, most individuals do not socialize enough with their
neighbours
 in metropolitans. The root causes for
this
 are the revolution of technology and
hurry
sickness
, yet it can be done by organizing social events.
Due to
 the development of technology, folks do not communicate with anyone in their neighbourhood.
This
 is because nowadays, inhabitants know and chat with one another through social media. They prefer having a conversation through phones than having a face-to-face.
As a result
,
people
 tend to forget about their
neighbours
 and just focus on friends through social apps
such
 as Facebook. Another reason why inhabitants do not communicate with anyone in their neighbourhood is because of "
hurry
sickness
".
People
 have to work really hard in order to pay their families' living costs. A lot of
people
 have a nine-to-five job, so when they finish working, they are too exhausted and have no energy to socialize with their
neighbours
 Because
oof
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
hurry
sickness
,
people
 just concentrate on their lives and how to keep up with the pace of society.
Consequently
,
people
 do not care about building a conversation with anyone near them. To solve
this
 problem,
people
 can organize some local events, birthday parties, and marriages. By doing that, they will have a chance to communicate with their
neighbours
 and get to know each other.
As a consequence
, the bond between them can be strengthened and eventually,
people
 can help one another when that person is in trouble. All in all, because of
hurry
sickness
 and evolution of technology.
people
 do not talk to their
neighbours
 enough, yet it can be solved by organizing local events to bond everyone.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt, but the main points lack depth and development. Provide more detailed and nuanced explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat confusing, and the progression of ideas could be clearer. Use clear topic sentences and logical transitions to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary and some less common lexical items, but there is room for improvement in expressing ideas more precisely and concisely.
grammatical range
There are some errors in sentence structure and word choice that affect the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay. Focus on sentence variety and accuracy.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
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