In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The alarming trend of rising teenage

crime

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in some societies sparks debate about appropriate punishments.

While

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proponents of

adult

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sentences for serious offences argue for

justice

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and deterrence, I believe that focusing solely on retribution overlooks the unique developmental needs of young offenders, potentially hindering their

rehabilitation

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and perpetuating the cycle of

crime

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. Advocates for

adult

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sentences highlight the severity of certain crimes and argue that

teenagers

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who commit them deserve equivalent punishment. They believe that treating young offenders as adults ensures

justice

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for victims and deters future offences.

Additionally

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, they argue that

such

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measures hold

teenagers

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accountable for their actions, promoting personal responsibility and discouraging future delinquent behaviour.

However

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this

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approach fails to consider the significant differences in brain development between

teenagers

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and adults. Studies show that

teenagers

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’ brains are still undergoing crucial neurodevelopmental processes, impacting their decision-making and impulse control. Imposing

adult

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sentences, designed for fully formed adults, could be overly harsh and potentially counterproductive.

Instead

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, I believe a more nuanced approach that prioritizes

rehabilitation

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is crucial. Juvenile

justice

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systems should focus on understanding the underlying factors contributing to the

crime

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such

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as poverty, family dysfunction, or exposure to negative influences.

This

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understanding should inform personalized interventions that address these root causes, fostering positive change and reducing the likelihood of reoffending.

Additionally

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, restorative

justice

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practices can play a valuable role, allowing victims to voice their experiences and offenders to take responsibility, promoting healing and reconciliation within communities.

While

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holding

teenagers

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accountable for their actions is important, prioritizing their

rehabilitation

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offers a more sustainable and potentially transformative solution. In conclusion,

while

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the increasing rate of teenage

crime

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raises concerns, imposing

adult

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punishments solely based on the severity of the offence overlooks the complexities of adolescent development. It seems to me that prioritizing

rehabilitation

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through tailored interventions and restorative

justice

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practices offers a more promising path to reducing recidivism,

ensure

Wrong verb form

ensuring

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community safety, and ultimately

break

Wrong verb form

breaking

show examples

the cycle of

crime

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for these young individuals.

sandhuarsh1320Mon Mar 25 2024

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Task Achievement

To strengthen task achievement, try to further develop your arguments with more detailed specific examples. While your essay presents clear ideas on juvenile crime and punishment, incorporating real-life instances or statistical evidence could make your arguments more persuasive and grounded.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices. Though your essay already has a logical structure, employing varied linking words and phrases could enhance the readability and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

juvenile delinquency
criminal behavior
rehabilitation
recidivism
adolescent development
retribution
impulse control
the justice system
societal influences
environmental factors
juvenile justice
punitive measures
adult incarceration
youth crime
reformative programs
deterrence
mitigating circumstances
restorative justice
correctional facilities
peer pressure

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In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from an academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Banking and banks. Discuss why it is important to open a bank account. Do you think it is safe to keep all your money in a bank? Which payment method do you prefer?

Some people say that Reading books improves imagination of people and improves their language skills while others say watching TV helps. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some children spend hours every day on smartphones? Why is this the case ? Do you think this is positive or negative development?