IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it doesn’t solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other type of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #doesn’t #poverty #type #aid
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While
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 financial
aid
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 from affluent
nations
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 to poorer
countries
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 is a common practice, its effectiveness in eradicating
poverty
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 is questionable. In my view, developed
countries
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 should indeed diversify their
assistance
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 beyond mere monetary contributions.
Firstly
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, financial
aid
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 often faces challenges in ensuring it reaches the intended beneficiaries
due to
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 issues like corruption and mismanagement in recipient
countries
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.
This
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 limits its impact on
poverty
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 alleviation.
Instead
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, developed
nations
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 could focus on providing expertise, technology, and training to empower the workforce in struggling economies.
This
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 transfer of knowledge and skills can foster sustainable development, enabling
countries
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 to lift themselves out of
poverty
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.
Moreover
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, a one-size-fits-all approach in the form of financial
aid
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 might not address the unique challenges each country faces. Tailoring
assistance
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 to specific needs,
such
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 as healthcare infrastructure or agricultural development, can yield more tangible results.
This
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 targeted support could be more beneficial than a purely financial injection.
Furthermore
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, encouraging trade and fair economic policies can be a powerful alternative to traditional
aid
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. By promoting fair trade agreements and creating opportunities for businesses in poorer
nations
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, developed
countries
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 can contribute to long-term economic growth and self-sufficiency. In conclusion, I agree that financial
aid
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 alone may not be the panacea for
poverty
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. Offering a spectrum of
assistance
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, including knowledge transfer, targeted support, and fostering equitable trade relationships, can create a more sustainable and impactful approach to supporting less affluent
nations
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.
This
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 diversified
assistance
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 has the potential to address the root causes of
poverty
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 and promote lasting positive change.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Task Response
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay exhibits a strong logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the connectivity of your ideas is consistently strong throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and sophisticated, contributing to the overall quality of the essay. Keep enriching your vocabulary by incorporating relevant terminology and idiomatic expressions.
Grammatical Range
You demonstrate a strong command of grammatical structures, resulting in clear and precise expression. Be vigilant in maintaining this level of accuracy throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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