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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportion of people's spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1958 and in 2008.

The charts below show the proportion of people's spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1958 and in 2008.
#show #proportion #people #commodities #services #european #country
In the pie charts, it
illustates
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the percentages of
cummunites
Correct your spelling
communities
community
 spending their money in different sectors(housing, food, clothing, travel,entertainment and luxury goods) in a European country in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1958 and 2008.
Overall
,
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to 1958
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 more money on
buiding
Correct your spelling
building
 houses. travel and luxury things. in 1958, people
spends
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 22% on housing
whereas
, it
increses
Correct your spelling
increased
 to 32% in 2008.in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of luxury
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
, mob
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 an upward trend they rose to 17% which is two times higher
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to 1958.in 1958, rabble
spents
Correct your spelling
spent
spends
 only 8%
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 travel even
then
, in 2008 the number
increses
Correct your spelling
increased
dramticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 to 17%.
on the other hand
, in 1958, people
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 32%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food
whereas
, they only
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 12% in 2008 which is almost three times less.There is a slight change in the
propertion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of clothing it becomes 18% to 16% respectively. In the number of entertainment,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is a
significent
Correct your spelling
significant
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
 from 13% to only 8%.
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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