IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Recently there is
a collected evidence
Remove the article
collected evidence
a piece of collected evidence
a shred of collected evidence
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 that the earth heats up
due to
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 human works which are created by them. I believe
this
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 essay will give
brief
Add an article
a brief
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 explanation
on
Change preposition
of
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 the main causes
for
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of
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 the increasing climate change. There are many reasons for the rising
temperature
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temperatures
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 like burning coal, oil and gas which produces nitrous oxide and carbon dioxide, increasing livestock, using fertilizers containing nitrogen which produces nitrous oxide and deforestation.
For instance
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, a village called
tenkasi
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Tenkasi
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 has a beautiful garden full of
trees
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 and
greenaries
Correct your spelling
greenery
. but a shoe factory was constructed next to the garden. The chemicals from the factory ruined the places near the factory which forced the
people
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 to cut down the
tress
Correct your spelling
trees
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.
Hence
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,
this
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 polluted smoke from the industry made the air unbreathable.
Naturally
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Naturally,
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 it devasted the environment but
also
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 the village
people
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 and the livestock. Since the
trees
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 were cut down in the village the polluted air entered the sky creating many holes in the ozone layer which brings many disadvantages
such
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 as health issues like different
type
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types
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 of skin cancer. We can prevent
Correct article usage
the earths
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earths
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earth's
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 degree from rising by planting more
trees
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. Educational Institutions like schools and colleges should encourage
people
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 to plant
trees
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.Because it prevents
the
Correct article usage
apply
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harmful
gas
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gases
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 from entering the atmosphere.
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Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 we can
also
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 use natural fertilizers like manure, cow litter,
Correct word choice
and composter
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composter
Fix the agreement mistake
composters
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 for the plants
instead
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 of using nitrogen. In conclusion, climate change or the rise in earth's temperature can be prevented with the cooperation of every mankind.
People
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 not only from industries
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also
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but also
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 every adults and children can prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.

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task response
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but lacks depth and development. The ideas are not fully expanded, and the examples provided are limited in relevance. There is a need for stronger justification and better supported arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is clear, with a basic introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas and arguments is weak, and there is a lack of coherence and cohesion in connecting the points and examples. More attention to transitional devices and logical progression is necessary.
lexical resource
The lexical resource used is adequate, but there is a need for more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas more effectively. The essay lacks sophistication in word choice and relies on basic language expressions.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is basic, with limited use of complex structures and varied sentence patterns. There are frequent errors in sentence construction, verb tense usage, and punctuation, leading to ambiguity and lack of clarity.
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