There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Recently there is
a collected evidence
Remove the article
collected evidence
a piece of collected evidence
a shred of collected evidence
show examples
that the earth heats up
due to
human works which are created by them. I believe
this
essay will give
brief
Add an article
a brief
show examples
explanation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the main causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the increasing climate change. There are many reasons for the rising
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
like burning coal, oil and gas which produces nitrous oxide and carbon dioxide, increasing livestock, using fertilizers containing nitrogen which produces nitrous oxide and deforestation.
For instance
, a village called
tenkasi
Change the capitalization
Tenkasi
show examples
has a beautiful garden full of
trees
and
greenaries
Correct your spelling
greenery
. but a shoe factory was constructed next to the garden. The chemicals from the factory ruined the places near the factory which forced the
people
to cut down the
tress
Correct your spelling
trees
show examples
.
Hence
,
this
polluted smoke from the industry made the air unbreathable.
Naturally
Add a comma
Naturally,
show examples
it devasted the environment but
also
the village
people
and the livestock. Since the
trees
were cut down in the village the polluted air entered the sky creating many holes in the ozone layer which brings many disadvantages
such
as health issues like different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of skin cancer. We can prevent
Correct article usage
the earths
show examples
earths
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
degree from rising by planting more
trees
. Educational Institutions like schools and colleges should encourage
people
to plant
trees
.Because it prevents
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful
gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
show examples
from entering the atmosphere.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
we can
also
use natural fertilizers like manure, cow litter,
Correct word choice
and composter
show examples
composter
Fix the agreement mistake
composters
show examples
for the plants
instead
of using nitrogen. In conclusion, climate change or the rise in earth's temperature can be prevented with the cooperation of every mankind.
People
not only from industries
also
Correct word choice
but also
show examples
every adults and children can prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.
Submitted by jennimanu926 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but lacks depth and development. The ideas are not fully expanded, and the examples provided are limited in relevance. There is a need for stronger justification and better supported arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is clear, with a basic introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas and arguments is weak, and there is a lack of coherence and cohesion in connecting the points and examples. More attention to transitional devices and logical progression is necessary.
lexical resource
The lexical resource used is adequate, but there is a need for more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas more effectively. The essay lacks sophistication in word choice and relies on basic language expressions.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is basic, with limited use of complex structures and varied sentence patterns. There are frequent errors in sentence construction, verb tense usage, and punctuation, leading to ambiguity and lack of clarity.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: