Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security

Some people harbour a belief that

job

satisfaction

outweighs career

security

, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that having a permanent

job

is superior to enjoying the

job

. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand neutrally with both opinions since they are equally important in the prospect of career path.

Initially

, one of the main arguments in favour of choosing a

job

aligning with

job

satisfaction

will prolong one's passion at

work

. Take art fields

for example

, creating masterpieces can bring about a sense of achievement and make artists feel satisfied which usually contributes to keeping a

job

for a whole lifetime.

Besides

, employees who enjoy their

work

are likely to have healthier mentality than those who take jobs as duties because

work

generally costs people one-third of a day.

Therefore

job

satisfaction

will uplift the day and generate positive impacts on one’s mental health. At the other end of the spectrum,

job

security

will guarantee a stable lifestyle

due to

stable financial sources.Having a constant income is pivotal to maintaining basic life levels since daily expenditures

such

as housing fees,eating costs and transport tickets all require money.

Hence

, ensuring sufficient financial support is a practical and necessary demand for life.Take art fields

for instance

again, many artists suffer from the changing

work

environments and even cannot afford basic requirements.

Hence

job

security

plays an indispensable role in building up a sense of safety which is significantly associated with having a healthy life quality.

To sum up

, despite the fact that

job

satisfaction

will give rise to positive involvement in jobs, the significance of

job

security

cannot be denied.

Thus

, employees need to strike a balance between both sides when choosing jobs so as to create long-term benefits in personal career paths.

Submitted by s99104032 on Sat Apr 13 2024

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Task Response

Try to enrich your essay with more varied examples from different fields and sectors to strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to smoothly connect ideas.

Task Response

Consider adding real-world statistics or studies to substantiate your arguments, making them more convincing.

Task Response

Be mindful of your essay's balance. While it's excellent to discuss both views, make sure your own opinion stands out clearly if the task asks for it. Your neutrality is well-presented, but slightly more emphasis on your own stance could make your argument stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, successfully framing your discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The paragraph structure is clear, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint, which aids in the logical flow of your argument.

Task Response

You provided relevant examples to support your points, which makes your essay more persuasive.

Task Response

The essay is overall well-developed, showing a balanced examination of both views with respect to job satisfaction and job security.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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