IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people harbour a belief that
job
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satisfaction
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 outweighs career
security
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, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that having a permanent
job
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 is superior to enjoying the
job
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. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand neutrally with both opinions since they are equally important in the prospect of career path.
Initially
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, one of the main arguments in favour of choosing a
job
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 aligning with
job
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satisfaction
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 will prolong one's passion at
work
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. Take art fields
for example
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, creating masterpieces can bring about a sense of achievement and make artists feel satisfied which usually contributes to keeping a
job
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 for a whole lifetime.
Besides
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, employees who enjoy their
work
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 are likely to have healthier mentality than those who take jobs as duties because
work
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 generally costs people one-third of a day.
Therefore
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,
job
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satisfaction
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 will uplift the day and generate positive impacts on one’s mental health. At the other end of the spectrum,
job
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security
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 will guarantee a stable lifestyle
due to
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 stable financial sources.Having a constant income is pivotal to maintaining basic life levels since daily expenditures
such
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 as housing fees,eating costs and transport tickets all require money.
Hence
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, ensuring sufficient financial support is a practical and necessary demand for life.Take art fields
for instance
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 again, many artists suffer from the changing
work
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 environments and even cannot afford basic requirements.
Hence
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,
job
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security
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 plays an indispensable role in building up a sense of safety which is significantly associated with having a healthy life quality.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that
job
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satisfaction
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 will give rise to positive involvement in jobs, the significance of
job
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security
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 cannot be denied.
Thus
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, employees need to strike a balance between both sides when choosing jobs so as to create long-term benefits in personal career paths.

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Task Response
Try to enrich your essay with more varied examples from different fields and sectors to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to smoothly connect ideas.
Task Response
Consider adding real-world statistics or studies to substantiate your arguments, making them more convincing.
Task Response
Be mindful of your essay's balance. While it's excellent to discuss both views, make sure your own opinion stands out clearly if the task asks for it. Your neutrality is well-presented, but slightly more emphasis on your own stance could make your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, successfully framing your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is clear, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint, which aids in the logical flow of your argument.
Task Response
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which makes your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
The essay is overall well-developed, showing a balanced examination of both views with respect to job satisfaction and job security.
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