In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In many societies, some advocates argue that it is vital to invest a considerable amount of
money
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in expanding new railway routes for bullet trains between urban.
While
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the majority of people strongly believe that the government's budget ought to be spent on the enhancement of the existing public
transportation
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system
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. I personally hold
this
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view that they should concentrate on the current railway's structure
due to
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being the nation's daily basis and being cheaper. A number of nations firmly believe that improvement in the current
system
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is much more useful because they are using it regularly.
In other words
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, all walks of life
use
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trains every day
as a result
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it is important to have access to facilitated public
transportation
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which increases their tendency.
For instance
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, bullet trains in Japan have a considerable number of passengers who are willing to
use
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this
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system
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because of the high quality that it has.
In addition
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, to folks' daily needs, I strongly believe that maintaining the existing
transportation
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system
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would be economical. To clarify, it is more reasonable for societies to enhance them in comparison to expanding
this
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system
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to other urban areas.
Consequently
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, they have
this
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opportunity to
use
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their budget wisely.
However
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, some may claim that it is necessary to spend
money
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on constructing new routes to other cities. They argue that it is important to have accessibility to other cities
as a result
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people can travel easier and faster.
However
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,
this
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notion is simply overlooked and they did not pay attention to burning the government's budget for something which is not society's basic need.
To sum up
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,
while
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some proponents have
this
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assumption that it is necessary to spend
money
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in order to expand the railway
system
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, a number of people and I strongly believe that it is better to
use
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that
money
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for maintaining and enhancement the current
transportation
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system
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because it is cheaper and being part of folk's daily needs.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay covers all aspects of the task prompt, including a balanced discussion of both views and a clear expression of the writer's own opinion. Provide specific examples to support each viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas more coherently. Use clear transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand the use of vocabulary and aim for more precise and varied word choices. Consider using more academic and formal language suitable for an IELTS essay.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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