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Band 4.5

It is common for people to travel long distance for work and study.Some argue that longer commute times affect people in a negative way while others disagree. Discuss bothe views and give your opinion.

#people #travel #distance #work #study #argue #times #bothe
Even though
people
 are very busy with their jobs
as well as
 studies, they may experience a longer commute
time
.some
people
 state that travelling long distances for work or study brings negative effects on them
while
 others hold the opposite idea.In my point of view, it depends on the outcome of one's career commitment.In
this
 essay, both views will be analysed to draw a conclusion. On one hand, most
people
 struggle to make their goals realistic despite the challenges they face.
For example
 , as good parenthood,
people
 try to take their children to school in cities rather than in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 in order to provide them a student-friendly environment and better facilities for education.
Also
,
people
 immigrate to town areas for services like supermarkets, health care, shopping complexes and public libraries regardless of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 they consume to reach and return.
Moreover
, individuals who
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
 about their careers,always try to identify more trends than issues in their job field and promotions as well.
As a result
,though the public spend
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 duration in travelling,they receive better
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
 for their commitment in return.
On the other hand
,longer commute times cause more stress in
people
.
For instance
, if
somone
Correct your spelling
someone
 faces a traffic jam on the way to his job, he mentally  struggles with the
time
 taken to reach the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
This
 causes him
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
emotional damage.As well, when returning home, everybody  wishes to arrive early to their destination and women reschedule the rest of the day for
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
dutoes
Correct your spelling
duties
 and plans for tomorrow. If it takes much
time
 to travel,
people
 may get tired easily and
fed-up
Correct your spelling
fed up
show examples
 with household activities.
This
 is an emotional burden.
To sum up
, apart from the mental disturbances, most of the public manage all those tasks enthusiastically  to achieve their goals.
Therefore
, long commute times do not always negatively impact the community.
However
, if the distribution of resources takes place with equal strength across society and if globalization positively affects rural areas as well, a better tomorrow will emerge.
Submitted by udesudeshikakalpani11 on

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task response
Ensure that your examples and supporting details directly relate to the main points of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more cohesively throughout the essay, and ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively correspond to the main body of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively.
grammatical range
Focus on more accurate use of complex sentence structures, and ensure that your grammar and punctuation are consistently correct.
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