IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, ordinary citizens are allowed to keep a gun in their homes. Some people think this is a good idea, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a debate over whether the personal possession of a
gun
Use synonyms
 should be justifiable or not. Both views will be discussed in
this
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 essay and I believe that the latter view is more persuasive.
To begin
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 with, there are some reasons why people can legitimately possess a
gun
Use synonyms
. For one thing, people can protect themselves with a
gun
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, especially when they are in a hazardous situation. There might be a moment where public power,
such
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 as police, is vacant.
For example
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, if they are threatened by robberies, they can use their
gun
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 so as to immediately escape the danger. In spite of the reasons mentioned above, I reckon that private
guns
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 should be illegal.
This
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 is because,
firstly
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, it leads to unsafe surroundings, causing abuse of the
gun
Use synonyms
. To be specific, it would give rise to not only serious injuries but
also
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 jeopardy of life provided that someone accidentally shoots others. In fact, there are a lot of random shooting accidents in countries where the government grants to carry a
gun
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,
case
Correct article usage
A case
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 in point
,
Add a missing verb
is, USA
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, the probability of a shooting accident is much greater than encountering burglars.
Secondly
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, the legitimation of
guns
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 is deleterious to educational aspects, making children exposed to gratuitous violence. Children who grow near arms are more likely to be tamed by drastic ways to resolve the problem compared to the other kids who live without
guns
Use synonyms
. In a nutshell,
although
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 some people contend that a
gun
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 is needed for self-protection, allowing to keep
guns
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 has more demerits of safety and education.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas are supported with relevant examples and explanations.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms and more sophisticated language, to improve the depth and precision of your expression.
grammatical range
Work on using more complex sentence structures and varying your sentence length to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
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