Some peoplebelieve tha it is essential to include physical eduction classes i the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both biew and give yur own opinion.

In
Change preposition
With
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the advancement of
education
nowadays, various schools and teaching courses in the world encounter enhancement in
edification
Add an article
the edification
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of their students.
This
amelioration generated accountable mindsets that it is essential to include physical
education
classes within the curriculum, whilst on the other side,
sugests
Correct your spelling
suggests
that it is preferable to focus on academic subjects. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views regarding both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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.
Firstly
, maintaining the children's healthcare through physical
education
can be a
prominence
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prominent
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method.
According to
my research, physical
education
consists of numerous workouts and sports that can
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Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction should clearly present the main topic and purpose of the essay. It's important to follow a clear structure with a proper introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat unclear, which affects the coherence of the essay. The points need to be organized in a more systematic way to create a cohesive flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward or inappropriate word choices. It would be beneficial to focus on using more precise and natural expressions.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a basic control of a range of structures, but there are errors in sentence formation, verb tense, and word usage. Work on improving accuracy and complexity of sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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