IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 century, the
human
Fix the agreement mistake
number of humans
show examples
 who trying to
cure
Use synonyms
 themselves by
going to
Verb problem
using
show examples
 natural
medicines
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 increasing
Use synonyms
time
Change preposition
from time
show examples
 to
time
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it
is means
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 negative
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
development for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. First of all, the choices of alternative
medicines
Use synonyms
 make them back to
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 century. It can look
how
Change preposition
at how
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 treat themselves for
Use synonyms
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 illnesses using
herbs
Use synonyms
. It
because
Add a missing verb
was because
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there was
little
Add an article
a little
the little
show examples
 amount of
medicine
Use synonyms
 and available
doctor
Use synonyms
 in their place. Now, the number of
Use synonyms
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 and health
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 like
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 or
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 spreading in
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 and big
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
. The
medicine
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many kinds for different kinds of
illness
Use synonyms
. That can be
choice
Correct article usage
a choice
show examples
 by the
doctor
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays there are
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
doctor
Use synonyms
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
 that can
cure
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 by their specialist of ill.
Second,
Linking Words
the
time
Use synonyms
 of
cure
Use synonyms
 the body
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a longer
time
Use synonyms
. The reason is,
Use synonyms
herbs
Correct word choice
that herbs
show examples
 have
slow
Add an article
a slow
show examples
 reaction in
Use synonyms
cure of
Replace the word
curing
show examples
illness
Use synonyms
. It means,
somebody
Correct word choice
that somebody
show examples
 who need more care by their sick need more
time
Use synonyms
 despite the bacteria or viruses
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
show examples
 in
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 and
became more sick
Replace the word
becoming sicker
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the development of
medicine
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more patent and can cut
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viruses or bacteria
quickly
Correct quantifier usage
more quickly
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
herbs
Replace the word
herbal
show examples
medicines
Use synonyms
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
this
Linking Words
 can
also
Linking Words
 have positive development because
people
Use synonyms
 have more knowledge to indicate the disadvantages of chemical
medicines
Use synonyms
. They do not want the
medicines
Use synonyms
destroy
Add the particle
to destroy
show examples
 the tissues of their body and
give
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 side effects for a long
time
Use synonyms
. It makes
people
Use synonyms
 try to search with their knowledge
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
against the bacteria or
virus
Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
show examples
 that spread by using
herbs
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are many research
also
Linking Words
 give advantages
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
herb
Fix the agreement mistake
herbs
show examples
. In conclusion,
herbs
Use synonyms
 became
worst
Correct article usage
the worst
show examples
 to
cure
Use synonyms
illness
Use synonyms
 if
people
Use synonyms
 have heavy
sick
Replace the word
sickness
show examples
.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because
herbs
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 too qualified and take a
long
Correct word choice
longer
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 than chemical
medicine
Use synonyms
. The benefit of
herbs
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 as much as chemical
medicine
Use synonyms
 that
given
Add a missing verb
is given
show examples
 by the
doctor
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sastyoke on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay lacks clarity and does not fully address the given topic. The arguments presented lack depth and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure throughout the essay is weak, and the introduction and conclusion are lacking in clarity and coherence.
Lexical Resource
The essay contains several sentence structure and vocabulary usage issues that impact clarity and coherence.
Grammatical Range
The essay lacks proper sentence structure and contains numerous grammatical errors which impede understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: