IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in todays world subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss these both views and give your opinion.

#people #history #school #subjects #todays #world #science #technology
It is argued that the most significant field in school is
History
;
however
, some criticize that there are more crucial subjects than
History
such
 as
Science
 and
Technology
.
History
 is one of the vital subjects which should be taught to the students at school as
this
 is a fundamental point in their lives. Children can realize who their ancestors were and how they lived in the past by
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
History
.
For instance
, they can be able to understand who the previous kings and queens were and what events had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taken place throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
History
as well as
 how kings were killed.
Furthermore
, they can boost their knowledge about how the previous ages had been changed, leading to enhancing their learning about the way individuals have lived in the past and how life has been changed.
However
, some opponents claim that there are other courses which are more
provital
Correct your spelling
profitable
vital
 than
History
 e.g.
Science
 and
Technology
 which must be trained by pupils at school.
It is clear that
 children should learn about their past but what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most important is that they are living now and
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 is past,
thus
 they have
entitlement
Correct article usage
an entitlement
show examples
 to be aware of
technology
 and sciences, resulting in being able to alter their lives. By
Science
, they can observe their
sorroundings
Correct your spelling
surroundings
 to be more creative and do some experiments, leading to
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
 their knowledge.
Additionally
, they
require
Wrong verb form
are required
show examples
 to be aware of modern technologies for utilizing them in their life, contributing to tackling their issues and making their tasks easier. In conclusion, as far as my experiences come with
this
 topic, I am definitely an advocate of the latter group. Students should be provided with
Technology
 and
Science
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 a better world
instead
 of spending their quality time
to know
Change the verb form
knowing
show examples
 about what has happened in the past.
Submitted by ieltsacademic77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Relevant Specific Examples
Expand on the examples provided. Specific, detailed examples enhance the argument and demonstrate understanding.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
While the essay provides a balanced view, it could benefit from a deeper exploration of the benefits of Science and Technology to better illustrate the contrasting views.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Complete Response
The writer discusses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • moral values
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • healthcare
  • problem-solving
  • practical skills
  • job market
What to do next:
Look at other essays: