Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There are various scientific
subjects
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which are developing rapidly. Students who are seeking suitable
job
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jobs
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should attend universities to learn them.
Someone
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Some
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gravitates
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gravitate
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toward
this
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point that not only do students concentrate on
main
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the main
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subject, but
also
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, they should learn other ones,
while
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others refute
this
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view point
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viewpoint
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and believe that it is virtually important to give their all energy
on
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to
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the main subject and gain a relevant qualification. On one hand, making knowledge well-diversified is exceedingly crucial in science which changes at a hectic pace. The reason why some students try to learn
wide
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a wide
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variety of
subjects
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is the correlation that exists among the different aspects of science.
For instance
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, people who
are
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apply
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graduated in finance are obsessed with passing courses in artificial intelligence
due to
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its great function in prediction and data mining in financial markets.
Hence
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, in order to become a professional and efficient employee,
as well as
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, using all potentials of
subjects
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, it is crucial to develop our capabilities by learning different
subjects
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.
On the other hand
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, the quality of learned
subjects
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must be considered because the more
subjects
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we learn, the more complex it becomes. In-depth knowledge is the factor that identifies how much it is efficient, which requires a certain level of focus. If we learn different
subjects
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carelessly, they may lack the requirements for gaining a qualification
in addition
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to wasting a large amount of energy. With regard to
this
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point, some support the idea of focusing on the main subject.
Although
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both views are reasonable, I personally have
bias
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a bias
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to
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toward
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the former group because it makes students’ brain more flexible and
allow
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allows
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them to confront
with
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apply
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problems easily.

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task response
The essay partially addresses the given prompt, considering both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the ideas could be developed and expanded further to achieve a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to the disjointed organization of ideas. There is a lack of clear transition between points, and the introduction and conclusion could be more developed.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in the use of more precise and appropriate academic vocabulary. Additionally, sentence structures could be more varied and complex to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are errors in sentence structure and word usage throughout the essay. More complex and varied sentence structures would enhance the grammatical range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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