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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.
#information #predictions #change #percentage #population #three #countries
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The given table illustrates the changes in the ratio of residents aged 65 and over in
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Germany
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, and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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of
Change preposition
apply
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1988 and 2000,
as well as
Linking Words
 the foresee in 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, all countries
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
underwent
Change the verb form
undergone
show examples
 and will experience
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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,
however
Linking Words
 the country that has the most aged 65 and over population differ each period.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1988,
Germany
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 owned the most elderly aged 65 and above at 20.45,
while
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 at 16.32 and the
UK
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 at 14.23
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Twelve years later, in 2000, both
Germany
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 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 underwent a drastic increase to 25.32 and 20.67 respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage in the
UK
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 went up but only by less than 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
it is predicted that in 2030, all
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 will soar up in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 elderly proportion.
Germany
Use synonyms
 will increase to over 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
Canada
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 and the
UK
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 will reach 26.35 and 20.35 respectively. Comparing the data between 1988 and 2030, it is evident that the
UK
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 will
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 through the least changes by increasing only approximately 6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the other two countries will go up by around 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, germany, uk, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage change
  • population
  • aged 65 and above
  • information
  • table
  • data
  • trends
  • patterns
  • comparison
  • predicted
  • future
  • findings
  • comment
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