Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Crime
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has become a huge problem in the world.
While
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some
people
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think
criminals
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should stay longer in
prison
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, other
people
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have different
oipinions
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opinions
. Some
people
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claim that longer
prison
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sentences are the best way to reduce
crime
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due to
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the fact that before
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
a
crime
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most
people
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will think twice.
For example
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, when
people
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try to steal from someone, they will think about the consequences to see if it is worth it. In that case, they might realize how serious it would be and change their ideal.
On the other hand
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, if
people
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commit a small
crime
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and get a longer
prison
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sentence punishment, after
the
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apply
show examples
prison
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the criminal might lose
t
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apply
show examples
social skills. In that case, they couldn’t communicate ion with
people
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, and
crimes
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might commit a
crime
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again.
However
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, others believe that there are
we
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apply
show examples
better alternatives.
For example
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, giving
criminals
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rehabilitation programs so
crimes
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can do some useful work for
society
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. Or give
criminals
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targets to make sure they are learning new skills so they realize that they do not
’t
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apply
show examples
have to commit
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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and still can make money.
On the other hand
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, if we give every offender a quick second chance, the problem will get
big
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bigger
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due to
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no one being afraid is afraid to go to
prison
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. I believe that different
crimes
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should be dealt with differently. Violent
criminals
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should be
sepaerated
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separated
from
society
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because they are dangerous but they should still receive
counseling
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counselling
show examples
and therapy to make sure they are steady.
Non violent
Add a hyphen
Non-violent
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offenders should be put in the programs and learn new skills so that after
prison
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they can find a job easily.
Also
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,the government should encourage
society
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to give them a second chance to work and
also
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keep an eye on their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
for at least a
while
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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each point has different benefits, I do believe that different
crimes
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need different
punishment
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punishments
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. Government and
society
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should help together to reduce
crime
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problems.
Submitted by kimi080810 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses both views but lacks clarity and depth in the discussion. The main points are not well-supported with relevant examples.
Coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat effective, but there is a lack of coherence and cohesion in the organization of ideas. The essay needs better use of linking words and clearer paragraph development.
Lexical Resource
There is a range of vocabulary used, but some inaccuracies and awkward word choices are present. Use of more precise and academic vocabulary is recommended.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates some control of grammar and sentence structures, but there are frequent errors in tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction. More complex sentence structures and accurate use of tenses is needed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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