Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Crime
has become a huge problem in the world.
While
some
people
think
criminals
should stay longer in
prison
, other
people
have different
oipinions
Correct your spelling
opinions
. Some
people
claim that longer
prison
sentences are the best way to reduce
crime
due to
the fact that before
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
a
crime
most
people
will think twice.
For example
, when
people
try to steal from someone, they will think about the consequences to see if it is worth it. In that case, they might realize how serious it would be and change their ideal.
On the other hand
, if
people
commit a small
crime
and get a longer
prison
sentence punishment, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
the criminal might lose
t
Rephrase
apply
show examples
social skills. In that case, they couldn’t communicate ion with
people
, and
crimes
might commit a
crime
again.
However
, others believe that there are
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
better alternatives.
For example
, giving
criminals
rehabilitation programs so
crimes
can do some useful work for
society
. Or give
criminals
targets to make sure they are learning new skills so they realize that they do not
’t
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
and still can make money.
On the other hand
, if we give every offender a quick second chance, the problem will get
big
Correct word choice
bigger
show examples
due to
no one being afraid is afraid to go to
prison
. I believe that different
crimes
should be dealt with differently. Violent
criminals
should be
sepaerated
Correct your spelling
separated
from
society
because they are dangerous but they should still receive
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
and therapy to make sure they are steady.
Non violent
Add a hyphen
Non-violent
show examples
offenders should be put in the programs and learn new skills so that after
prison
they can find a job easily.
Also
,the government should encourage
society
to give them a second chance to work and
also
keep an eye on their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
for at least a
while
.
To sum up
,
although
each point has different benefits, I do believe that different
crimes
need different
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
. Government and
society
should help together to reduce
crime
problems.
Submitted by kimi080810 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses both views but lacks clarity and depth in the discussion. The main points are not well-supported with relevant examples.
Coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat effective, but there is a lack of coherence and cohesion in the organization of ideas. The essay needs better use of linking words and clearer paragraph development.
Lexical Resource
There is a range of vocabulary used, but some inaccuracies and awkward word choices are present. Use of more precise and academic vocabulary is recommended.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates some control of grammar and sentence structures, but there are frequent errors in tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction. More complex sentence structures and accurate use of tenses is needed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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