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Writing Samples
Band 7

Today there is a great increase in antisocial personal behavior such as committing a crime. What are the causes of this? Who should be responsible for this problem? (crime)

#behavior #crime
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In recent times, there has been a surge increase in antisocial behaviour, particularly criminal activities.
This
 phenomenon can be attributed to several causes.
Firstly
, one of the main reasons is the differences between groups of people caused mainly by their financial situation. To be more specific, economic disparities and unemployment can drive
individuals
 toward criminal activities as a means of survival or to attain material wealth. The lack of opportunities and financial security can lead people down a path of illegal action. Another conspicuous reason is the breakdown of family and social support systems. Dysfunctional families, lack of parental guidance, or lack of community support can result in
individuals
 feeling isolated and disconnected from society.
Moreover
, the media often glorifies and normalizes criminal behaviour, making it appealing to impress
individuals
. Peer pressure from delinquent friends or social groups can push people towards criminal acts in an attempt to fit in or gain acceptance. Responsibility for addressing
this
 problem should be divided among stakeholders. The government should invest in education, job creation, and social programs to reduce the impact of socioeconomic factors. Stronger family support and counselling services should be
also
 available to provide guidance for
individuals
.
Additionally
, the media should have a responsibility to portray antisocial behaviours in a realistic and responsible manner rather than sensationalizing them. In conclusion, the increase in antisocial behaviours can be attributed to factors
such
 as socioeconomic, family breakdown, and external influences
Submitted by phthaoo on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on the topic. Develop the ideas and provide more specific examples to support the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence of the essay. Ensure that the paragraph development is logical and easy to follow.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to include more precise and varied expressions. Introduce more sophisticated language to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Continue to demonstrate a good grasp of grammar and sentence structure. Pay attention to more complex sentence structures to further showcase grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social inequality
  • frustration
  • antisocial behaviors
  • stable/unstable family environments
  • peer pressure
  • mental health issues
  • desensitize
  • glorify
  • quality education
  • drop-out rates
  • moral and ethical outlook
  • gang behavior
  • media influence
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