new technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. to extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The transformation of
people
Change noun form
people's
lives
are
caused Change the verb form
is
of
recent technologies and ways of purchasing and selling. Based on my personal perspectives, I strongly agree that Change preposition
by
this
condition brings the
better improvement to consumers’ Correct article usage
apply
lives
.
It is clear that
,
the economic roles are the crucial thing in our Remove the comma
apply
lives
. Moreover
, as a human being who always wants more, the renovation is a must. Not only in the social and health sides but also
in supply
and demand field. I personally have some Correct article usage
the supply
reason
that can support my point of view. Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
Firstly
, technologies are invented to serve us in this
field. For instance
, in the past, people
used many objects as a
payment, Remove the article
apply
such
as vegetables, animals, and their
other stuff in order to barter with one another. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Then
, time by time, humans create tools to create a currency for payment, which
coin and paper money are involved in the transaction. Change preposition
in which
Not to mention
the cashless nowadays. As a result
, technologies will be always improved to serve people
needs.
Change noun form
people's
Secondly
, consumers nowadays want the
comfortable ways to buy their needs. Correct article usage
apply
This
condition leads to the creativity of sellers to provide better
place to trade their products. For the evidence, in Indonesia, Add an article
a better
generally
most regions have traditional markets for trading. Add a comma
generally,
However
, because of modernism, more consumers prefer
choose the comfortable and suitable place to purchase their needs, so they prefer to shop online rather than to go to physical markets. Add the particle
prefer to
this
condition makes sellers adapt with
the situation and intuitively, Change preposition
to
this
way transforms the style of trading lately.
To conclude
that
, the ways of buying and selling are changing the Correct word choice
apply
consumers
Change noun form
consumer's
consumers'
lives
become
better and Add the particle
to become
efficient
. In line Correct quantifier usage
more efficient
to
that, the technology that humans create Change preposition
with
is
a purpose to serve Verb problem
has
people
efficiently. Because of those reasons, I agree that this
transformation bring
us more benefits.Change the verb form
brings
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay demonstrates some relevant points but lacks in providing a comprehensive and clear response to the task. The examples and reasoning should be more developed to meet the requirements of the question.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Additionally, the connection between ideas could be more coherent to enhance the overall organization of the essay.
lexical resource
The essay displays a basic range of vocabulary and expressions. However, using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary and expressions would improve the lexical quality of the essay.
grammatical range
The grammatical range in the essay is sufficient, but there are instances of unclear sentence structures and errors in agreement and verb tense. Further practice and attention to sentence structure and grammar are recommended.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!