Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

Nowadays, a lot of individuals utilize social applications to communicate with each other and to gain new information in our community. Personally, I believe that there are plenty of benefits of
this
statement that overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, the way of using online apps to stay connected with other
people
provides a number of opportunities for every being.
Firstly
, by making use of apps
such
as WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat and so on
people
can keep communicating with their acquaintances and loved ones in a convenient way.
For example
, in Kazakhstan usually citizens utilize the messenger which is called Whatsapp to send some message or to especially to call.
Secondly
, if someone wants to invite another person, he will be able to optimize the time calling via video call by using a phone which includes obligated features and media.
Finally
, it is a positive method to take advantage of the usage of digital platforms in a long-distance. To give a clear example,
people
are capable of just making video calls to their friends or family.
On the other hand
,
although
,
this
development presents many beneficial profits, it
also
has some cons, which I think are not
such
terrible. By using online platforms to connect with each other individuals would not be able to see them face-to-face. Admittedly, I do not think it would be detrimental,
due to
the fact that
people
can easily meet someone else at any time.
Moreover
, some say that the prolonged use of mobile phones has been linked to adverse effects on both mental and physical health,
however
,
this
is not actually proven by scientists. In conclusion, I completely think that the pros
such
as convenience, saving time and so on would outweigh the minimal disadvantages without any problem.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task achievement
Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a more coherent and logical structure by enhancing the transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets the stage for the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your stance.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and its complexities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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