Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

#people #world #media #touch #news #development

Nowadays, a lot of individuals utilize social applications to communicate with each other and to gain new information in our community. Personally, I believe that there are plenty of benefits of

this

statement that overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, the way of using online apps to stay connected with other

people

provides a number of opportunities for every being.

Firstly

, by making use of apps

such

as WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat and so on

people

can keep communicating with their acquaintances and loved ones in a convenient way.

For example

, in Kazakhstan usually citizens utilize the messenger which is called Whatsapp to send some message or to especially to call.

Secondly

, if someone wants to invite another person, he will be able to optimize the time calling via video call by using a phone which includes obligated features and media.

Finally

, it is a positive method to take advantage of the usage of digital platforms in a long-distance. To give a clear example,

people

are capable of just making video calls to their friends or family.

On the other hand

although

this

development presents many beneficial profits, it

also

has some cons, which I think are not

such

terrible. By using online platforms to connect with each other individuals would not be able to see them face-to-face. Admittedly, I do not think it would be detrimental,

due to

the fact that

people

can easily meet someone else at any time.

Moreover

, some say that the prolonged use of mobile phones has been linked to adverse effects on both mental and physical health,

however

this

is not actually proven by scientists. In conclusion, I completely think that the pros

such

as convenience, saving time and so on would outweigh the minimal disadvantages without any problem.

Submitted by talgattan4ez on Thu Aug 08 2024

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task achievement

Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to further strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Strive for a more coherent and logical structure by enhancing the transitions between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets the stage for the discussion.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your stance.

task achievement

The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and its complexities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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