Some people think that art lessons, such as painting and drawing lessons, are as important as other subjects and should be compulsory in secondary schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #art #lessons #subjects #schools

The majority of secondary schools have not set

art

lessons

as mandatory

classes

. Some

people

believe that painting, drawing and other

art

skills

are as essential as others.

Therefore

, it is necessary to set up

art

classes

for young

people

. I partly agree with

this

point of view. On the one hand, optimists argue that

art

lessons

are vital

skills

, and setting

art

classes

compulsorily has significant benefits.

Firstly

this

trend contributes to students’ personalities.

In other words

art

skills

are remarkable ways to express their emotions. If

people

engage in a lot of

art

lessons

, they can master

art

skills

As a result

people

can express their feelings in various ways, and it

also

gets rid of their stress.

Furthermore

art

skills

like painting and drawing provide more job opportunities for individuals. To explain, without

art

knowledge, it would be possible

cannot

Verb problem

not

show examples

finish

Fix the infinitive

to finish

show examples

certain works.

Thus

people

will not have a competitive edge.

On the other hand

this

trend

also

has serious impacts. With regard to efficiency, paying more attention to

art

classes

than major courses,

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is a way of wasting time. To be more specific, it will reduce efficiency in gaining specialized knowledge and affect the students’ professional ability. What is more,

art

skills

are not necessary for most companies and they are seldom needed in our daily lives.

Consequently

, learning

art

lessons

may not bring satisfaction to most

people

. In conclusion,

although

art

classes

are good for

people

’s personalities and careers, I still consider that it is more significant to master major

skills

. In my opinion, providing elective

art

classes

in secondary schools is sufficient.

Submitted by 1550018584 on Tue Nov 14 2023

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task response

Provide more examples and evidence to support your points and strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Consider using transition words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your ideas.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of synonyms and more complex language structures.

grammatical range

Diversify your sentence structures and use a variety of grammatical forms for a more sophisticated expression.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that art lessons, such as painting and drawing lessons, are as important as other subjects and should be compulsory in secondary schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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