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Writing Samples
Band 7

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world, academic achievements have increasingly become important for youngsters, which makes some
people
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 believe that non-academic
subjects
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 like physical
education
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 and cookery should be excluded from schools.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view, as I believe that a balanced
education
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 should include both academic and non-academic
subjects
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.
Firstly
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, non-academic
subjects
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 can improve
students
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' holistic growth. Physical
education
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 can promote physical health and teach
students
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 about the importance of teamwork, discipline, and perseverance. These soft
skills
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 are equally vital for adulthood; these attributes are not taught in academic
subjects
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.
While
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 cooking classes not only help
students
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 develop culinary
skills
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 but
also
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instill
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instil
show examples
 principles of proper nutrition and health awareness, which are crucial
skills
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 for today's world.
Secondly
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, non-academic
subjects
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 build
students
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' social
skills
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 and emotional intelligence. In activities like team sports and group projects,
students
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 receive a chance to communicate with different types of
people
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. They can create new friendships throughout the process and learn how to deal with a variety of
people
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 who might not have the same opinions as theirs. Building these soft
skills
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 can prepare
students
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 for all sectors of jobs and future success.
Thirdly
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, an overfocus on the academic curriculum can increase stress and burn young
people
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 out. Adding extracurricular activities may help balance their academic pressure.
For instance
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, physical
education
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 can act as a stress reliever and encourage the importance of good mental health. Similar
subjects
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 provide young
people
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 a place to unwind and recharge themselves from the competitiveness of the academic world. In conclusion, academic
subjects
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 are essential for
students
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' futures, but it is important to note that non-academic
subjects
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 are
also
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 key to building a successful life and
to
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apply
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creating a well-rounded educational system.

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Task Achievement
While your essay effectively discusses the importance of non-academic subjects, consider adding a counterargument in one of your body paragraphs to enhance the depth of your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your thesis for improved clarity. This will help all readers easily follow your arguments.
Task Achievement
Adding specific examples from real-life situations or studies would strengthen your arguments and make your ideas more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your key points, showing strong overall coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay presents well-developed ideas about the benefits of non-academic subjects, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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