In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other thing there are benefits of society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, life expectancy is considered to be widespread among
people
in some parts of the world. Although
I think there are some social advantages to increased elderly populations, I also
mostly believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
There are two pivotal reasons why some people
assert that it is good for a society to be populated with a larger number of elderly people
. Firstly
, by increasing the expectation of leading a longer life, I think people
then
can pursue their career path for a prolonged period of time which means that society might be provided with a higher majority of workforce
. Add an article
the workforce
In other words
, young people
can follow their educations rather than taking job responsibilities. Secondly
, if there were a smaller number of senior citizens, taxation would be a burden on the young population
because they have to pay more sum of money to the authorities.
Despite the merits mentioned above, I believe ageing
Add an article
the ageing
population
is more likely to be disadvantageous due to
some facets. From an economic perspective, having more elderlies, governments should subsequently
invest their budgets in health care services and building hospitals while
it is more crucial for a country's future to fund organisations in which junior societ
can be well educated. Correct your spelling
societies
Furthermore
, I firmly believe that the aged population
have the potential to put young ones under both financial and energetical pressure as they have to take care of their old relatives and pay for them. Therefore
, hardly ever can a society look forward to the future when it stoks in looking after elderlies.
In conclusion, it is true that many countries are facing a rising trend in the proportion of the elderly population
and that this
would lead to a range of benefits, but I support the idea that its drawbacks are by far more concerning.Submitted by z.rajabi on
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task response
You have addressed the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of having an aging population. However, your position could be made clearer in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is evident, and you have included an introduction and conclusion. However, consider using more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your arguments.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is adequate, but try to incorporate more varied vocabulary and expressions to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is sufficient, but pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of complex sentences to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
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