IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Theme: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

#theme #countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside
Many countries around the globe have a tendency that rural
people
 are moving to
cities
 and the population of the countryside is going down.I think,that
this
 development has both good and bad sides about it.
Moreover
, here
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will think about
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 for that and both
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 and positive sides of the tendency. To start with,migration to big
cities
 is not done just for being modern or
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
 among 'better'
people
,but
also
 for more advantages for an individual themself.
For example
,better transportation or more vacancies can be a crucial benefit for some young adults,which look for
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 futuristic place to live in than their countryside.
Additionally
,it is evident that youngsters nowadays want to live in the city more than they want to live even in
province
Correct article usage
a province
show examples
.
Nevertheless
,it has a lot of disadvantages,especially for rural areas' citizens.As
people
 move to
cities
 the quantity of
people
 is going down and has
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 consequences.
Thus
,more and more
people
 want to leave those places and relocate to big megapolises.
As a result
,we get overpopulated
cities
,which cause many problems for local governments as traffic jams and air pollution,and abandoned countryside,which do not boost the economy as they could.
To sum up
,the migration of many citizens to bigger
cities
 causes many negative developments and problems with
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
,which we can see even now.
Besides
, if nothing
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 done and the trend
will remain
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
 we can get even more overpopulated megapolises and
downfall
Correct article usage
the downfall
show examples
 of residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,which will lead to
inability
Correct article usage
the inability
show examples
 to live there.
Submitted by mrtwaterr on

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overall
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clearly structured. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic and supporting sentences. Use linking words and transition signals to improve coherence and cohesion. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure to avoid errors and improve grammatical accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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