Most people think about creating an ideal society, but most of the time fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

#people #society #time #happen

Many great philosophers have contemplated what an ideal

society

should comprise and how we can achieve it. but our contemporary

society

is far from ideal since countless problems still permeate every aspect of life. An ideal

society

manifests itself in several fundamental ways including but not restricted to people's

freedom

, and well-being.

Thus

, it is extremely difficult, nay, impossible to create

one

due to

the confiding and personal nature of each of the aforementioned elements. A milieu in which everyone could have the autonomy to do what they wish, achieve high levels of happiness and be well catered for should be considered ideal. With regard to

freedom

, it is unanimously agreed that being stripped of the

freedom

of choice, speech, or expression,

one

can hardly find an environment worth living

Change preposition

in.

show examples

As for people’s well-being,

this

abstract concept is difficult to define

due to

its personal nature.

While

one

may achieve a high level of satisfaction without many material possessions, others may feel so depressed or helpless that they commit suicide, even though they may have an unimaginable amount of wealth. It would be high on impossible to create a utopian

society

where everyone is happy and well and free to do what they like.

For example

, imposing a ban on smoking would indeed force smokers to quit, but at the same time, it would

also

violate their

freedom

of choice. Perhaps, in order to avoid conflicts, a step that would go a long way to forming an ideal

society

would be to educate people to believe in certain sets of beliefs, and values.

Nevertheless

, the corollary of

such

an ideological indoctrination would be the loss of critical thinking, which would in turn have stultifying effects on the progress of any

society

. In conclusion, an ideal

society

is undoubtedly desirable and consists of many different elements, but it is unrealistic to create

one

Submitted by lenam2k1 on Sun May 26 2024

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task achievement

The essay presents a clear viewpoint and tackles the question effectively, but it could benefit from further concrete examples to support the ideas. Consider introducing more specific instances or case studies to strengthen your arguments and better illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

While the essay maintains a logical structure throughout and has a clear introduction and conclusion, some transitions between ideas can be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing people's well-being to the difficulties in creating an ideal society can be more seamless with the use of appropriate linking words and phrases.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a strong introduction that frames the topic well and outlines the problems associated with creating an ideal society.

clear comprehensive ideas

The ideas are comprehensive and clear, with thoughtful consideration of different aspects such as freedom and well-being.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Most people think about creating an ideal society, but most of the time fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disavdantages to living in a house compared with living in an apaartment?

The growth of nline shopping one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Agree o disagree

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both sides of the argument and give your opinion.