IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Art classes, such as paintng and drawing, art as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or diagree?

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There is a common belief that,
due to
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 the importance of the arts in
children
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’s development, they need to be taught as a compulsory subject in school. From
this
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 author’s perspective,
this
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 point is meaningless because of the high demand for skills and competitive careers.
Firstly
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, there is an undeniable point that the arts play a vital role in a child’s development because they develop the left hemisphere of the brain and social skills. Obviously, when a child interacts with a
colorful
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colourful
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 picture or a lively statue, they will be captivated, leading to the renovation of brain activities, which
children
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 will have essentially as social skills in the
future
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.
However
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,
this
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 author contends that
while
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 the former opinion may be valid, it cannot deny the high demand for
talents
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 that cannot emerge in general students around the world. A child can have different
talents
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 in several subjects like math, geology, or literature, so it may be a waste of money and human resources to involve
children
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 in professions they do not love. In terms of the
children
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's benefits, the compulsory trend can have a visibly detrimental effect on their
future
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 careers. Clearly, some
art
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 jobs,
such
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 as architecture or painting, have a competitive point for general people, even if they are
art
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talents
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.
Thus
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,
children
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 cannot have a stable job when they study
art
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 classes compulsorily, which is meaningless to a
future
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 life.
Additionally
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, students should be allowed to choose if they want to study
art
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 courses because they can spare that time for developing themselves or social relationships
instead
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 of learning something useless for their
future
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. In conclusion,
art
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 subjects may be important to a child’s growth, but that does not mean that learning them is the duty of
children
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 because of the high demand for
talents
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 and beneficially risky careers in the
future
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.

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task achievement
While the essay has a clear stance, the points made could be a bit more elaborated to enhance understanding and engagement. Try providing specific examples to support the arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Some sentences and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother and more connected.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
The response covers several key points related to the prompt, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a consistent effort to present a logical structure throughout the essay, making it relatively easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Creativity
  • Emotional expression
  • Cultural awareness
  • Fine motor skills
  • Spatial awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Therapeutic activity
  • Inclusive environment
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Attention to detail
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