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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe money is the best gift for teenegers, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #gift #teenegers
In current society, it is argued that gifting cash is more suitable for
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
while
 others assert that it is not.
This
 essay agrees
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the former as it allows individuals to manage
the
Change the word
their
show examples
money
according to
 their preferences.
To begin
 with, those who
are oppose
Change the verb form
are opposed
show examples
 to gifting
money
 suggest that teenagers would make use of
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
 inappropriately.
Children
 who do not know the management of
money
 and the ones who are addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
illeagal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 activities could have the
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
of misusing
Change preposition
to misuse
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
. But
this
 could be a preventable scenario in most instances under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
thorough guidance and teaching
proper
Change preposition
of proper
show examples
money handling
Add a hyphen
money-handling
show examples
 techniques with
children
.
For example
, participating
children
Change preposition
in children
show examples
 at a very young age for grocery shopping actively gives an opportunity
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to learn the worth of
money
 management.
On the other hand
, in
this
 modern society, with the influence of social media, youngsters are more likely to earn
money
 and most of them perceive the ambition to become rich soon.
Moreover
 with the ongoing inflation rates most of the
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 are in
situation
Add an article
a situation
show examples
 where they cannot afford most of their tuition fees,
stationary
Replace the word
stationery
show examples
 items and food too.
Therefore
, gifting
money
 would
be encourage
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
 them to continue on their required tasks.
Fir
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 instance, the famous
foot ball
Correct your spelling
football
show examples
 player Ronaldo once unveiled that during his childhood he had to wait at tge door step of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 MC
Donalds
Fix the agreement mistake
Donald
show examples
waiting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to
left over
Verb problem
buy
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 that restaurant.
Hence
 I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that as
money
 plays a huge role
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere gifting
money
 would be the best option for a teenager. In conclusion, the best option for a
teeneger
Correct your spelling
teenager
 to gift is
money
 as it supports them to make use of that
money
 for their
prioratized
Correct your spelling
prioritized
 needs
whereas
teching
Correct your spelling
teaching
children
 to use
money
 efficiently would never undergo detrimental effects of mismanagement of
money
.
Submitted by himudu.hhpg on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow, making it difficult to follow the development of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not effectively set up and summarize the essay. The main points are not fully supported with relevant examples and explanations.
lexical resource
The vocabulary and word choice are adequate, but there is a need for more variety and precision in expressing ideas.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that impact the clarity and coherence of the essay. More attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy is needed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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