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Writing Samples /
Band 4

What is homelessness? And what you think about the reasons of for people having home less

#homelessness #people #home
In the world many
people
 can not afford to have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
house
 so, they stay in the
street
, railway station or subway.
People
 live
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 in the
street
 not in a
house
 or home
that is
 called houseless. I presume there are several causes like poverty, unemployment, migration,
being
Correct word choice
and being
show examples
 unable to afford essentials like housing, food,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
. These are the common
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 homelessness. First of all, in
this
 world poverty is the main
reason
 of being homelessness. In our country lots of poor
people
 live their
life
 in the
street
, they can not have 3 times food even how can they have a
house
! Bangladesh is a
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 country, where
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research shows 20%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 stay below the low
encome
Correct your spelling
income
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Those
people
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
 to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Moreover
, unemployment is another cause of
hemelessness
Correct your spelling
homelessness
. In the capital, unemployed citizens
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 from all over the country to find
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 income source. But our government
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 them and
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 enough capable to
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
 of them. They
staye
Correct your spelling
stayed
stay
 in the city where they
dose
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have
home
Add an article
a home
show examples
, they survive without money and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shelter on their head.
Secondly
, in
Bangladesh
Add a comma
Bangladesh,
show examples
flood
Wrong verb form
flooding
show examples
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another big
reason
 why
people
get
Verb problem
become
show examples
 homeless. Every year
thousends
Correct your spelling
thousands
 of
people
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 in the rainy season when floods happen frequently. The
people
 lost everything they
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 to the
near by
Correct your spelling
nearby
show examples
 city or town to live. They
satrt
Correct your spelling
start
started
 to live in the
street
 or in a slum
temporary
Change the word
temporarily
show examples
 with their children and other family members without
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
house
.
Thirdly
, the
people
dose
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have
Correct article usage
a propoer
show examples
propoer
Correct your spelling
proper
 education it is hard to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job and fulfil the essential things of
life
 like having a
house
, food and
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. For
these
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 they can not afford
thir
Correct your spelling
their
 own
hous
Correct your spelling
house
hours
 and stay homeless with the family.
Moreover
, another
reason
 is,
sometimes
Correct word choice
that sometimes
show examples
life
 give
hard
Change the article
a hard
show examples
 time to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
 certain
cercomostances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 they get
homless
Correct your spelling
homeless
, like bank debt, earthquake and lost
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
,
war
Add an article
the war
a war
show examples
 in the
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 several reasons are
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 to get homeless. To sumarise,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are several
reason
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 get homeless which includes poverty,
migratins
Correct your spelling
migration
migrations
, disasters,
unemployments
Fix the agreement mistake
unemployment
show examples
 and lack of proper education. These reasons are more or less we can see to live houseless
life
.
Submitted by intothewildasalex on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and consistent structure that follows an introduction, body, and conclusion format. Use topic sentences and transitions to effectively connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a stronger and more direct response to the task prompt. Ensure that all relevant aspects of the topic are addressed in detail.
lexical resource
Diversify your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and expressions. Be mindful of word choices and consider using more precise and varied language.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to enhance the overall fluency of the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence complexity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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