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Band 7.5

Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.’ Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
The question of whether
parents
 should control their infants to prevent
mistakes
 is a topic of contention. Advocates of
this
 viewpoint argue that infants should have the freedom to make
mistakes
 during their early development.
However
, I hold the belief that the most effective approach is to guide them through experiences rather than shielding them from every error. An increasing number of residents assert that
parents
 should take responsibility for their
children
's
mistakes
. Proponents of
this
 viewpoint argue that adults, having more life experience, can offer valuable guidance to help
children
 navigate challenging situations.
Children
 often view their
parents
 as role models and trust their judgment.
On the contrary
, the opposing viewpoint contends that
children
 should be allowed to make their own decisions. I concur with
this
 perspective; in essence, despite the likelihood of errors,
children
 should have the autonomy to explore and discover their own paths. In doing so,
mistakes
 serve as valuable learning experiences, aiding in their understanding of situations and contributing to the development of their character.
For instance
, research indicates that individuals retain 70% of knowledge gained through firsthand experience, facilitating problem-solving abilities.
Furthermore
,
children
 who are overly controlled by their
parents
 may struggle to adapt to independent living, facing challenges with basic tasks
such
 as cooking, managing finances, and making personal decisions. In conclusion,
while
parents
 possess greater life experience and can offer valuable guidance to their
children
, it is essential for infants to have the opportunity to make choices. In the broader context,
this
 autonomy allows them to develop their own lives, learn from their
mistakes
, and ultimately grow as individuals."
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task achievement
Ensure clarity and specificity in your examples to effectively support your arguments. Generic statements can be made more impactful by including detailed examples or evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your paragraphs and ideas more seamlessly. It's beneficial to use a variety of linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your essay logically.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more explicit personal stance throughout the discussion. While your conclusion provides a clear opinion, integrating this perspective more clearly in each paragraph would enhance your argument's strength.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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