IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

with the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more recources. to what extend do you agree?

#demand #oil #gas #areas #world #access #recources
Due to
 the higher demand
of
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for
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 fossil fuels, a certain segment of
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
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 that we must explore the untouched destinations of the earth in search of energy sources. Though there
is
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are
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 a number of supporters of
this
oppionon
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opinion
,
and
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apply
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I stand against
this
 and
following
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the following
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 paragraphs of
this
 essay will analyze two factors which contribute to my opinion.
To begin
 with, exploring virgin territories may outcome
to
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in
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 double the environmental pollution.
As a result
 of the complex mechanisms that we use to extract oil from the fossils, we have already created a number of problems in nature.
For example
, a recent documentary programme which was telecasted on the Discovery Channel revealed
about
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apply
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an American oil pump resulting in to increase in the temperature in the sea waters, and now it has an effect melting down the glaciers at the North
pole
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Pole
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.
Hence
, if we use the existing technologies to explore untouched destinations, that will definitely outcome in polluting nature.
Secondly
, these invasions will destroy the unidentified creatures who live in these areas.
For instance
, there was a report in the international media, about a hydropower plant, in Mexico that resulted in the destruction of a number of indigenous creatures who lived around that area. If it can happen in Mexico, there is no doubt that it will not happen in the alien soils.
Therefore
, we must not consider exploring these grounds for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
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 of our future generations.
To conclude
, I reiterate that we must not destroy unexplored areas in
searching
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search
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for
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of
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 fuel as it will result
to
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in
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 double the environmental pollution and the extinction of unknown animals.
Instead
 of doing these, we must put our efforts
to find
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into finding
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 more alternative eco-friendly energy sources to protect our mother nature.
Submitted by davoodabadimelika on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction is weak and lacks a clear thesis statement. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. Try to present a clear argument and summary in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
The essay does not fully address the task. The arguments are not fully developed and lack specific examples. Make sure to present a full and well-supported argument that directly addresses the question.
lexical resource
The essay lacks a wide range of vocabulary and uses repetitive expressions. Try to use a wider variety of lexical resources to improve the quality of the essay.
grammatical range
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, misuse of articles, and awkward phrasing. Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to convey ideas more clearly.
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