IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The government spends much money for education. More money should be spent on free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#government #money #education #free-time #activities
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In today's technology epoch,
education
Use synonyms
 is
fundamental
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a fundamental
the fundamental
show examples
 ingredient in order to
making
Change the verb
make
show examples
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
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 future. Some individuals claim that authority should spend more cash on leisure activities
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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. To
larger
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a larger
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 extent, I agree with the former views and I will elaborate my arguments in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs. To commence with, the first and foremost argument which support my views is that
education
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 is indubitable in recent time as it
is consider
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is considered
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 the
backboneof
Correct your spelling
backbone of
backbone
 nation and the economy. To put it in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple words; without
study
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of
professional
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a professional
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 job,
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
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 generation
have
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has
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 to do labour jobs.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 of
nation
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the nation
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 will
be decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
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 every single day and poverty will
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
. Apart from that, because of
iliteracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
literacy
mankinds
Correct your spelling
mankind
 can not able to face
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent technology and
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 able to figure out hindrances.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
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 expenditure
enormouse
Correct your spelling
enormous
money
Use synonyms
 on the
study
Use synonyms
 sector so poor people can
study
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with
Change preposition
apply
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free of cost. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
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, In government schools, they provide free
education
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, books and scholarships which is fruitful for children.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Kerala, all children can get unpaid
study
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. As a
resule
Correct your spelling
result
,
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
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 rate of Kerala is 94% which is the
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
 rate in India.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, youngster can get better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
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 stage and they can provide good amenities to their family.
In contrast
Linking Words
, few
humand
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human
humans
 kinds hold that
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on extra-curriculum activities
such
Linking Words
 as Cycling, Running and playing games, but still do not need much attention from
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that Non-government organizations can take care of it.
Hence
Linking Words
, it will become a business sector and people have to
paid
Change the verb
pay
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 more
money
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, if we look at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 like Europe as an epitome, the majority of them have left
this
Linking Words
 matter in the hands of non-governmental organizations and they
maintaining
Change the form of the verb
maintain
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 them very well.
To conclude
Linking Words
, without
education
Use synonyms
 growth of individuals, society and nations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not possible. So
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 is always higher to spend on
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, non-government
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 can easily handle all leisure activities.
Submitted by vrutikasurani9696 on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a basic level of understanding of the task requirements. However, the arguments are not fully developed and lack depth and complexity. Clearer organization and more comprehensive development of ideas are needed to improve task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is a need for better coherence and cohesion within paragraphs. The ideas are not always linked logically, and transitions between paragraphs could be improved to create a more cohesive essay.
lexical resource
The essay displays a varied use of vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccurate word choice and awkward phrasing. More precise and appropriate word choices, along with stronger collocations, would enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
The essay shows an attempt at a range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and word form. A more accurate and varied use of complex structures is needed to improve the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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