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Band 4

The government spends much money for education. More money should be spent on free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#government #money #education #free-time #activities
In today's technology epoch,
education
 is
fundamental
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a fundamental
the fundamental
show examples
 ingredient in order to
making
Change the verb
make
show examples
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
show examples
 future. Some individuals claim that authority should spend more cash on leisure activities
instead
 of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
. To
larger
Add an article
a larger
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 extent, I agree with the former views and I will elaborate my arguments in
further
 paragraphs. To commence with, the first and foremost argument which support my views is that
education
 is indubitable in recent time as it
is consider
Change the verb form
is considered
show examples
 the
backboneof
Correct your spelling
backbone of
backbone
 nation and the economy. To put it in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple words; without
study
,
instead
 of
professional
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a professional
show examples
 job,
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to do labour jobs.
Consequently
,
economy
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the economy
show examples
 of
nation
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the nation
show examples
 will
be decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 every single day and poverty will
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
. Apart from that, because of
iliteracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
literacy
mankinds
Correct your spelling
mankind
 can not able to face
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent technology and
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 able to figure out hindrances.
Moreover
,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 expenditure
enormouse
Correct your spelling
enormous
money
 on the
study
 sector so poor people can
study
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
free of cost. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
, In government schools, they provide free
education
, books and scholarships which is fruitful for children.
For instance
, in Kerala, all children can get unpaid
study
. As a
resule
Correct your spelling
result
,
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate of Kerala is 94% which is the
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
 rate in India.
Furthermore
, youngster can get better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 stage and they can provide good amenities to their family.
In contrast
, few
humand
Correct your spelling
human
humans
 kinds hold that
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should spend more
money
 on extra-curriculum activities
such
 as Cycling, Running and playing games, but still do not need much attention from
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
,
due to
 the fact that Non-government organizations can take care of it.
Hence
, it will become a business sector and people have to
paid
Change the verb
pay
show examples
 more
money
.
In addition
, if we look at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 like Europe as an epitome, the majority of them have left
this
 matter in the hands of non-governmental organizations and they
maintaining
Change the form of the verb
maintain
show examples
 them very well.
To conclude
, without
education
 growth of individuals, society and nations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not possible. So
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
money
 is always higher to spend on
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Whereas
, non-government
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 can easily handle all leisure activities.
Submitted by vrutikasurani9696 on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a basic level of understanding of the task requirements. However, the arguments are not fully developed and lack depth and complexity. Clearer organization and more comprehensive development of ideas are needed to improve task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is a need for better coherence and cohesion within paragraphs. The ideas are not always linked logically, and transitions between paragraphs could be improved to create a more cohesive essay.
lexical resource
The essay displays a varied use of vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccurate word choice and awkward phrasing. More precise and appropriate word choices, along with stronger collocations, would enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
The essay shows an attempt at a range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and word form. A more accurate and varied use of complex structures is needed to improve the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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