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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #study #business #history
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In a rapidly evolving age of technology and globalization, there is a universal belief that the
study
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 of
business
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 provides more advantages to
society
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 compared to the
study
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 of history.
Although
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 it is undeniable that
business
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 equips individuals with knowledge and skills vital to the economy, understanding our historical roots is equally crucial for
society
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. I believe that both disciplines contribute uniquely to our societal well-being.
Business
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 plays a pivotal role in shaping the economic landscape of our
society
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. Researching marketing dynamics and corporate strategy allows students to be well-prepared to innovate and make informed financial decisions.
Moreover
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, with the increasing number of people venturing into entrepreneurship and the rise of start-ups, there is a growing demand for
business
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 acumen.
Business
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 not only creates job opportunities but
also
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 provides a solid foundation, enabling future generations to navigate the complexities of a commercial
society
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.
However
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, arguing that the
study
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 of
business
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 should entirely replace the
study
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 of history overlooks the value of the experiences offered by our past. History provides context, allowing us to learn from past mistakes and successes. Delving into historical events and societal shifts offers insight into human
behavior
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behaviour
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 and cultural evolution, fostering unity and informed decision-making. Without
this
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 historical information,
society
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 risks repeating mistakes. In conclusion,
while
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 the immediate economic benefits of
business
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 studies are appealing, a
society
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's long-term well-being rests on a foundation built by understanding its economic needs and historical roots.
Submitted by vivian901014 on

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Task Response
Ensure that you fully answer the essay prompt, providing balanced arguments for both business and history studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your ideas more effectively.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to include more advanced and varied expressions to enhance the quality of your writing.
Grammatical Range
Continue to demonstrate control over a wide range of sentence structures and grammatical forms to add complexity and precision to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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