Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that
arts
education is as significant as the study
of other subjects, especially for primary students
. I completely agree with this
viewpoint because some educational content could be better illustrated in the forms
of Fix the agreement mistake
form
arts
, and the study
of arts
is one key consideration which
fosters Correct word choice
that
all-rounded
growth of young Correct article usage
the all-rounded
students
.
The arts
could deliver information to students
, especially to those attending primary schools, in a way that words in textbooks sometimes cannot. Children
may become bored and tired if they have to read or listen to too much educational content in textbooks. A colorful
painting or a catchy Change the spelling
colourful
song
, on the other hand
, can be much more appealing and thus
more effective in conveying information to these children
. For example
, the Ghen Covy song
has been taught at most schools in Vietnam and has become one of children’s
Add an article
the children’s
favorite
songs. Change the spelling
favourite
This
song
has effectively highlighted the importance of hand washing as a means of disease prevention,
and has made it easier for many Remove the comma
apply
children
to remember every step of hand sanitization for its catchy melody and appealing dancing moves.
Furthermore
, the study
of arts
is one factor that contributes to a
comprehensive development of young Correct article usage
the
students
. While
academic subjects focus on children
’s cognitive development, arts
education help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
children
to develop their social-emotional skills. By singing a song
or drawing a picture, these children
are likely to express their feelings and nurture their sense of community. For example
, thousands of Vietnamese children
, who were encouraged by their teaching staff, drew pictures of sunflowers to deliver messages of love and support for pediatric cancer patients.
In conclusion, the arts
can sometimes be better at transmitting knowledge than textbooks, and the provision of both academic and arts
education is necessary for an
all-rounded growth of young Correct article usage
the
students
. I firmly believe that the study
of arts
should never be underestimated in any child
educational institution.Change noun form
child's
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the ideas presented in the essay have a clear and logical flow. Transitions between points could be improved to strengthen the cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a balance between introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but further development in the body paragraphs will enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples and explanations. While the examples provided are relevant, more variety and depth will make the argument convincing.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by ensuring that your response covers all aspects of the question. Expand on how the study of arts complements academic subjects for a more complete response.
task achievement
Clarify and develop comprehensive ideas further. Each point made is relevant, but additional elaboration will help articulate the thoughts more thoroughly.
task achievement
Incorporate a range of specific examples relevant to the topic to strengthen the argument. While some examples are used, they can be further explained for clarity and impact.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite