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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that museums should be free , whereas others think that some entry fee should be there. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #museums #entry #fee
Museums
 are vast
soruce
Correct your spelling
sources
 of knowledge for learners and it has become debatable whether
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
museums
 should be free of cost or should have
a fixed entry
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fixed entry fee
fixed entry fees
show examples
fees
. Both the notions have their own pros and cons.
This
 essay will shed light on both
preceptions
Correct your spelling
perceptions
show examples
 and will
also
 mention my opinion in the conclusion. To commence with the advents of free
museums
,
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 to everyone as visitors
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
museums
 hail from all walks of life means come
different
Change preposition
from different
show examples
 financial backgrounds and some commoners consider it as
unnecessary
Add an article
an unnecessary
show examples
 expense to buy tickets
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
show examples
, they avoid visiting
such
 places.
Moreover
, trips organised by schools for
museums
 are paid
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 parents which include expensive tickets
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
museums
 and
such
 expenses make
common
Correct article usage
the common
show examples
 breadwinner of
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 resentful.To cite an example, in
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 it is very common for private educational institutes to organise trips to
museums
 for educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 but, the children of
middle -class
Correct your spelling
middle-class
show examples
 families are mostly prohibited by their guardians
to join
Change preposition
from joining
show examples
such
 trips in order to save money.
Consequently
, learners do not get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to see historical items and monuments.
On the contrary
,wealth earned by ticket
fees
 can be used to renovate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historical
museums
 and historical items ,which will provide more
self life
Add a hyphen
self-life
show examples
 to historical art and
this
 will preserve the history of a particular period.
For instance
, in many
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
 it has been observed that paid
museums
 are in good
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
show examples
 as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
one's
Change noun form
ones
show examples
 that are funded by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Hence
, a genuine amount of
fees
 should be paid by visitors.
Moreover
, workers of
museums
 can be paid with the funds collected in museum visit
fees
. Owing
this
this
 fact, it can be said that
museums
 will become a place of employment for various people. To recapitulate, from my
standpoint
Add a comma
standpoint,
show examples
 a genuine amount of
fees
 should be fixed by
museums
 because to keep historical items for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time period proper renovation and excellent workers are required which is possible if proper funds can be collected by
museums
.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction introduces the topic more clearly and the conclusion provides a stronger summary of the main points.
task response
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using more sophisticated lexical choices to enhance the overall quality of the essay.
grammatical range
Make sure to use a wider variety of sentence structures and pay attention to grammatical accuracy to improve the overall grammatical range of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public institutions
  • accessible
  • cultural and historical heritage
  • financial barriers
  • less advantaged socio-economic backgrounds
  • inclusive society
  • maintenance
  • acquisitions
  • quality exhibitions
  • steady source of income
  • overcrowding
  • enjoyable experience
  • moderate
  • sustainable funding
What to do next:
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