Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
there has been controversy about whether hard work leads to accomplishment or other criteria
as well as
wealth or appearance. From my perspective, I believe that in today's world, some factors like money have more impact on the way toward success. Linking Words
This
essay will discuss both views in the following paragraphs.
To inaugurate , nowadays, everything is possible through willpower and hard work. From childhood until the end of life, individuals should do anything to not only reach their goals in life but Linking Words
also
to provide for their basic needs Linking Words
such
as food and clothes. Linking Words
In other words
, big dreams cannot be achieved only by hard effort which includes time, energy and even discipline which in some way takes a person's entire life. In university, Linking Words
for instance
, if someone wants to become among the high-ranked students, should only focus on his/her studies and avoid other free-time activities and fill spare time by participating in different classes to reach her/his purpose. Linking Words
Thus
, hard work is one of the main ways to reach high-status positions.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, in Linking Words
this
cutting-edge era , no one can ignore the impact of property and wealth. Linking Words
while
effort is an important factor, having cash and being rich is always needed. Linking Words
Additionally
, the more wealth a person has, the more high social position will have. Linking Words
Furthermore
, as I mentioned, Linking Words
for example
, if a student wants to decide on higher education it would not happen only by being rich Linking Words
due to
the tremendous university fees. Linking Words
Hence
, property is not only a thing but is needed.
In conclusion, from my point of view, hard performance is not enough to accomplish success. Linking Words
By contrast
, with money and a little effort, everyone can reach success.Linking Words
Submitted by sh.sharifpour79 on
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Task Response
The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing both views, but lacks in providing a comprehensive response. It's important to thoroughly discuss each view and provide a clear opinion in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is clear, but there is inconsistency in presenting and supporting main points. The essay lacks coherence in forming detailed arguments for each viewpoint and connecting ideas within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision of meaning. Consider using a wider variety of vocabulary to accurately convey ideas and arguments.
Grammatical Range
While the essay demonstrates an attempt at complex structures, there are frequent errors in sentence structure, tense usage, and word choice. Focus on improving sentence variety and accuracy in grammatical structures.