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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together, To what extent dou you agree of disagree wtih this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #dou #wtih
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In
this
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 contemporary era, many things have been developed and one of them is
music
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. Nowadays
music
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 has a significant effect on societies and there is an opinion that claims musical subjects are good topics to gather different types of society together. I strongly agree with
this
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 idea and in
this
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 essay, I discuss my main reasons. To embark on, it is good to be mentioned that mental vibes may depend on
music
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 taste. By knowing
this
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 fact it can be depicted that
music
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 can establish a society with major beliefs and the churches of that religion are clubs. As an example,
people
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 who love R&B are commonly in their club no matter what age they are because they are in there for one single reason. The aforementioned point, there are some other places and events
such
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 as festivals where many singers can come and play their works for the attendees. In those places,
people
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 are involved in their good atmosphere. In
this
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 type of area, all
people
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 are happy and they are trying to make their day cheerful by making communication with others. many of these festivals are international
therefore
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 there are many
people
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 with different traditions and cultures.
To sum up
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, I strongly stand with the idea that rhythm is one of the best methods for making all cultures of all ages stand together peacefully.
Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on

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task response
The essay partially completes the question and provides some relevant points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat clear, but some parts could be more coherent.
lexical resource
The essay shows some variety in vocabulary and demonstrates a good attempt at using idiomatic language.
grammatical range
There are noticeable errors and inaccuracies in the essay. More complex sentence structures could be used.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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