IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Scientific
experiments
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 are arising day by day
especially
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, especially
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 in the field of medicine.
However
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,
experiments
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 on
animals
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 are nowadays raising a debate. Some people argue that any type of experimentation on
animals
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 is considered to be bad,
while
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 others believe that these
experiments
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 are crucial for scientific discoveries. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. Looking at the first side of the argument, scientific
experiments
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 on
animals
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 have a variety of drawbacks.
Firstly
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, these
experiments
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 have a big impact on the environment. To be more precise, the affected
animals
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 are spreading those experimented chemicals in the surroundings and unclean or damaging the environment.
Moreover
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, more
animals
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 can
also
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 be affected by these
experiments
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.
For instance
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,
scientists
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 have done an
experiment
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 on an animal,
this
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 animal is either prey for another or predator, so in
this
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 case more and more
animals
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 are affected by only one animal.
On the other hand
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, humans are gaining benefits from these scientific
experiments
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.
For example
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,if
ascientist
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a scientist
scientist
 discovers a new drug, before using or supplying
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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 the market it is crucial to
experiment
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 on something else before being used by humans.
Furthermore
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,
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scientists
Change noun form
scientists'
scientist's
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 experimentation on
animals
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 can lead them to improvements in the products. To be more exact, if
this
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experiment
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 has negative effects on these creaters
then
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 they may improve it for another
experiment
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.
To sum up
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, it is crucial for
scientists
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 to experience their discoveries for
further
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 improvement but it has a greater impact on the environment and
animals
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. In my opinion,
scientists
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 should continue their way of experimentation as there is no alternative way of
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experiments
Wrong verb form
experimenting
show examples
.

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task response
The essay gives a balanced view of the topic but could benefit from more development and specific examples for each argument.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of main points could be clearer and more cohesive, with more linking devices to connect ideas.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is sufficient, but there is room for improvement in the use of more academic vocabulary and the precision of word choice.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of grammatical structures and tenses, but some errors in sentence structure and word choice can affect fluency and clarity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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