In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of giving children this message ?
In some traditions,
the
society Correct article usage
apply
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
children
to work hard and they believe that this
is the only way to bring success in any circumstance. This
essay will discuss main
merits of working hard Correct article usage
the main
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
to
their Change preposition
in
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
life
and drawbacks
of Correct article usage
the drawbacks
this
opinion.
On the one hand, learning hard work in
Change preposition
at
the
early Correct article usage
an
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
have
different merits. When Correct subject-verb agreement
has
children
spend time on
working hard Change preposition
apply
for
Change preposition
to
achieve
their goal, Change the form of the verb
achieving
also
they learn how to be disciplined
person and Add an article
a disciplined
this
bring
structure to their daily Change the verb form
brings
life
. Moreover
, these habits are crucial for their carier
. Correct your spelling
careers
Furthermore
, they will face with
harsh conditions when they grow up, Change preposition
apply
such
as going to university in
abroad, finding a job or Change preposition
apply
lost
someone from their family and Wrong verb form
losing
for
Change preposition
apply
stayin
alive, Correct your spelling
staying
stayin'
also
these times require skills
that they can only gain from hard working
. Replace the word
work
Moreover
, when they sense the feeling of the
reaching Correct article usage
apply
to
their goals after spending Change preposition
apply
enormous
amount Correct article usage
an enormous
energy
, they will become Change preposition
of energy
an addictive
to success and start to live for it and seek the trophy in every aspect of Correct word choice
addicted
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
.
On the other hand
, working hard have
some drawbacks in the long term. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Firstly
, it puts a lot of stress to
the Change preposition
on
children
which can cause some mental diseases after expreinced
Correct your spelling
experiencing
to
much anxiety. Correct your spelling
too
Secondly
, working hard is not only future
that brings success, luck and wealth are Correct article usage
a future
another
key aspects that Correct quantifier usage
other
important
for reaching goals. Add a missing verb
are important
Lastly
, children
should spend enough time with their parents and friends to build social skills
but when they only focus on their achievements, they will not expreinced
those soft Correct your spelling
experience
experienced
skills
that necessary
for being part of Add a missing verb
are necessary
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, these skills
also
important for their future Add a missing verb
are also
life
because they will always have a
communication with society members and if they do not know Remove the article
apply
to
manage Rephrase
how to
this relations
, they may hard to find Change the determiner
this relation
these relations
place
in groups or workplaces as a friend or a colleague.
In conclusion, Add an article
a place
while
learning working
hard Change the verb form
to work
in
younger ages brings some advantages, Change preposition
at
also
it brings some disadvantages to their later life
such
as health problems or they can be a person that lack of from
some soft Change preposition
apply
skills
which is
important to Change the verb form
are
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
relations
.Replace the word
relationships
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task response
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made to support them.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with well-organized paragraphs and appropriate use of linking words.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used and pay attention to collocations and word choice.
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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