IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railways for very fast train between cities. other belive the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#countries #people #sum #money #railways #train #cities #belive #transport
There are various types of
transportation
 a
city
 can have, it can be in the form of land, water, and air
transportation
. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 land
transportation
, some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that rapid trains across cities are needed,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others believe the budget is better allocated for public
transports
Change the noun form
transport
show examples
 improvement.
This
 essay will discuss the underlying reasons to
support
 both views and find the balance between them.
Transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
Transportation
show examples
 can be a means to
support
 the growth of local
business
 and having those between cities will attract more customers and suppliers. Whoosh, the name of
high-speed
Correct article usage
the high-speed
show examples
 train connecting Bandung and Jakarta,
built
Add a missing verb
was built
show examples
 with the same purpose. Indeed having fast train do
support
 the
business
 by enabling customer from Jakarta to come for leisure and eventually increase local income
per-capita
Correct your spelling
per capita
show examples
.
However
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor infrastructure within
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 will provide
unpleasant
Correct article usage
an unpleasant
show examples
experience
 for the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Thus
,
combination
Add an article
a combination
the combination
show examples
 of better
transportation
 between cities and within
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 is pivotal.
On the other hand
, increasing public comfort
while
 nurturing
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 environment is the goal of improving current public transport. Looking at the same
business
 angle, possessing diverse
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 and better public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 are necessary to reduce traffic and pollution and boost
visitors
Change noun form
visitors'
visitor's
show examples
experience
 during their stay.
For instance
, Puncak has little to
none
Correct quantifier usage
no
show examples
 public transport
support
, resulting
massive
Change preposition
in massive
show examples
 traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
, especially during rush hour, which brings down the
overall
 satisfaction of the visit. Maintaining
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
together with
 improving accessibility will be beneficial
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 perspective. In conclusion, it is crucial to find
middle
Add an article
a middle
the middle
show examples
 ground between initiatives to improve
transportation
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
within and across
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
, as both will cater
different
Change preposition
to different
show examples
 purposes. Public transport within
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 will
be improve
Change the verb form
be improved
show examples
 with
aim
Add an article
the aim
an aim
show examples
to provide
Change preposition
of providing
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
experience
, whilst
transportation
 across
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 using
Correct article usage
the train
show examples
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 will be beneficial for the growth of
local
Add an article
the local
a local
show examples
business
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task in a balanced way.
Coherence and Cohesion
Continue to use cohesive devices to create a clear and organized essay structure.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and aim for more precise and varied expression.
Grammatical Range
Work on the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar to further enhance the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: