In some countries, if people need to find work, they have to move away from their families and their friends. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
People have different views about moving away from their relatives and beloved people would provide more opportunities to get a job.
While
there are some disadvantages to moving away, I believe that there are more pros.
On the one hand, there are two main drawbacks when some individuals decide to move away. Firstly
, being away from families and friends could lead to feelings of loneliness, and isolation. For example
, some Vietnamese people living and working abroad have confessed that sometimes they want to give up due to
the stress and pressure associated with new places. The second disadvantage is cultural adjustment, adapting to a new culture, language, and lifestyle could be difficult. Cultural differences would pose challenges in terms of communication and fitting into the local community.
On the other hand
, I would argue that the drawbacks of this
are outweighed by the benefits. The main basis is probably that living in a new location would provide better career opportunities and professional growth. By this
, I mean that some regions or countries could have more thriving industries or job markets in specific fields, offering individuals to advance their careers. Take Silicon Valley as an example, which is renowned for technology and innovation, moving to this
place would offer access to a concentration of companies and networking opportunities within a particular field. Moreover
, living in a new place would allow individuals to step out of their comfort zones and lead to personal growth and development.
In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of changing places which are far away from their families and friends do outweigh the disadvantages.Submitted by miatr.work on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a basic organizational structure, you should enhance the logical sequencing of ideas, ensuring stronger coherence between them. Transition words could be used more effectively to link sentences and paragraphs together, guiding the reader through your argument more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful. The introduction should more clearly present the scope of the discussion and set the tone for the essay. The conclusion could offer a more decisive stance, summarizing the arguments without adding new information.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph contains relevant main points, but they could be developed further with more detailed support. Strive to elaborate on your ideas using richer examples and a greater variety of sentence structures to provide a fuller exploration of each point.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, providing an opinion on the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work. To improve, expand on each side of the argument equally and delve deeper into the complexity of the issue at hand to fully demonstrate an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ideas are present and relevant, but they could be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Spend more time unpacking each thought by explaining the reasoning behind them, and consider exploring counter-arguments to reflect a more nuanced perspective.
task achievement
While the essay includes examples, aiming for specificity and relevance to the argument will strengthen your essay. Silicon Valley is a good start, but more detailed examples or real-world scenarios would better support your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.