In some countries, if people need to find work, they have to move away from their families and their friends. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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People have different views about moving away from their relatives and beloved people would provide more opportunities to get a job.

While

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there are some disadvantages to moving away, I believe that there are more pros. On the one hand, there are two main drawbacks when some individuals decide to move away.

Firstly

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, being away from families and friends could lead to feelings of loneliness, and isolation.

For example

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, some Vietnamese people living and working abroad have confessed that sometimes they want to give up

due to

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the stress and pressure associated with new places. The second disadvantage is cultural adjustment, adapting to a new culture, language, and lifestyle could be difficult. Cultural differences would pose challenges in terms of communication and fitting into the local community.

On the other hand

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, I would argue that the drawbacks of

this

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are outweighed by the benefits. The main basis is probably that living in a new location would provide better career opportunities and professional growth. By

this

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, I mean that some regions or countries could have more thriving industries or job markets in specific fields, offering individuals to advance their careers. Take Silicon Valley as an example, which is renowned for technology and innovation, moving to

this

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place would offer access to a concentration of companies and networking opportunities within a particular field.

Moreover

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, living in a new place would allow individuals to step out of their comfort zones and lead to personal growth and development. In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of changing places which are far away from their families and friends do outweigh the disadvantages.

miatr.workFri Nov 17 2023

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coherence cohesion

While the essay presents a basic organizational structure, you should enhance the logical sequencing of ideas, ensuring stronger coherence between them. Transition words could be used more effectively to link sentences and paragraphs together, guiding the reader through your argument more fluidly.

coherence cohesion

An introduction and a conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful. The introduction should more clearly present the scope of the discussion and set the tone for the essay. The conclusion could offer a more decisive stance, summarizing the arguments without adding new information.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph contains relevant main points, but they could be developed further with more detailed support. Strive to elaborate on your ideas using richer examples and a greater variety of sentence structures to provide a fuller exploration of each point.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task, providing an opinion on the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work. To improve, expand on each side of the argument equally and delve deeper into the complexity of the issue at hand to fully demonstrate an understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Ideas are present and relevant, but they could be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Spend more time unpacking each thought by explaining the reasoning behind them, and consider exploring counter-arguments to reflect a more nuanced perspective.

task achievement

While the essay includes examples, aiming for specificity and relevance to the argument will strengthen your essay. Silicon Valley is a good start, but more detailed examples or real-world scenarios would better support your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.

7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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In some countries, if people need to find work, they have to move away from their families and their friends. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

young people are becoming more and more reliant on technology. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?

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