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Band 7

Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination, but others think there are more important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
Success
 in life can be achieved in many ways. and these include
determination
 and financial assistance.
Although
 both ways are effective, I believe that persistence guarantees
success
 more. The path to
success
 is without its difficulties, and
this
 demands
determination
. Those who are single-minded are ready to risk personal interests to pursue
success
.
For instance
, to achieve a high role in a company, they choose to give up online games, junk food, and bad habits to adapt to good ones and start working hard.
Furthermore
, they tend to learn from people who succeeded in life and gave good tips and advice. It is partly important to have a good start in finance. If money and conditions permit, they will be more able to pursue
success
, their paths will be easier.
However
, I believe that persistence is the core factor to
success
 as an unmotivated person with a good financial base would achieve little, and would give up whenever they feel tired. With
determination
, despite adversity, they can overcome whatever they tackle relentlessly. For these reasons, I posit that hard work makes people stronger and more likely to withstand difficulties and achieve bigger targets than they think. Setting something as a goal and pursuing it means that it is an unlimited source of motivation for a person to make them continue to work harder until they reach it.
For instance
, an unknown gamer who wants to be a professional one and participate in large tournaments will set it as a goal and constantly train without stopping. In conclusion,
while
 having a considerable amount of funding from the start is good as an advantage, it is
determination
 and hard work that matter. A large source of motivation and persistence can help a person pursue a goal relentlessly, even though they are financially poor at the beginning.
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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and includes a clear thesis statement indicating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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