IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that celebrating is a significant way to reduce our anxiety and stress.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that partying personally is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that celebrations play a vital role in our community.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, plenty of people are taking life seriously and working hard in their daily lives.
In other words
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, they think that celebrating is a waste of effort and
money
Use synonyms
 , so they have a different concept.
In addition
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, they tend to celebrate in worthwhile situations not all events are sufficient to make a party.
For example
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, there is an article that says "All parties did not have the meaningful concept and some celebrating are waste of time and
money
Use synonyms
 just for show off.
On the other hand
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, others think that celebrations lead to curbing our depression. It is
also
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 possible to say that any graduation or success in our lives requires parties with friends or even siblings and that makes a difference to us emotionally.
Moreover
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, accomplishment in any field like getting a high degree of access to scholarships, is essential to celebrate to feel satisfied with yourself.
For instance
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, celebrations are crucial for creating lasting memories and social bonds with others, which have long-term benefits for mental health. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that emotional support is very important and doing some festivals does not cost much
money
Use synonyms
 and it depends on how to separate financial status.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement that summarizes your opinion more explicitly in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
To strengthen your arguments, include more specific examples or details, particularly in supporting your points about the importance of celebrations.
strength
Your discussion of both views is balanced and shows understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
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