Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment

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A highly controversial issue today relates to whether

competition

Use synonyms

in schools affects

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pupils negatively or not. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I am going to examine

this

Linking Words

question from both points of view, and

then

Linking Words

explain my opinion. First of all, there are people who argue that

this

Linking Words

kind of

competition

Use synonyms

has

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

influence on

children

Use synonyms

regarding their performance in their studies. The main reason for believing

this

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is that

parents

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think that

children

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when they see their classmates scoring higher grades,

this

Linking Words

will motivate the

children

Use synonyms

to do extra

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

in their studies to score more.

Moreover

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

think that students

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

take their studies more seriously will get rewarded for their results. To illustrate, when I was a school student my

parents

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always

tell

Wrong verb form

told me

show examples

to study harder in order to surpass my friend's score, and

this

Linking Words

gave me a sense of motivation

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because

Linking Words

Change preposition

show examples

the end I

know

Wrong verb form

knew

show examples

that I

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

get rewarded for my

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

On the other hand

Linking Words

, others believe that

children

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put in a highly competitive environment make the results turn bad

Change preposition

for

show examples

them.

This

Linking Words

is because, students will experience an

enourmous

Correct your spelling

enormous

amount of pressure that

a school students

Correct the article-noun agreement

a school student

school students

show examples

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

handle, so they

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not know when and how to start, and

this

Linking Words

will make the student absentminded.

For example

Linking Words

, one of my classmates in the past used to experience

such

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events. His

parents

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used to tell him

study

Add the particle

to study

show examples

harder in order to be a doctor,

Linking Words

this

Correct word choice

but this

show examples

thing has put him

Change preposition

under

show examples

some sort of pressure that made him distracted. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their reasons. On balance,

however

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, my opinion is that being put in a high

competition

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makes you want to achieve more, but there must be some sort of reward in the end to get motivated for

such

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competition

Use synonyms

Submitted by osama2010b on Wed Nov 15 2023

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task response

Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a somewhat balanced discussion of the topic. However, ensure that your examples are clear and relevant, and make sure to fully express both views with supporting arguments.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is somewhat effective, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, you should work on organizing your ideas more coherently within paragraphs and across the essay to improve overall coherence.

lexical resource

Your lexical resource shows adequate range, but there is room for improvement in terms of using more precise and varied vocabulary. Additionally, be mindful of word form and collocations to enhance your expression.

grammatical range

While your grammatical range is generally accurate, there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice. Aim to vary your sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

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Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Boxing is a blood sport which often results in physical injury. It is inappropriate for this sport in this modern age. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools aren’t necessary; instead, children should be learning a useful subject such as science and computer. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples

Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?