Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
A highly controversial issue today relates to whether
competition
in schools affects the
pupils negatively or not. In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay, I am going to examine this
question from both points of view, and then
explain my opinion.
First of all, there are people who argue that this
kind of competition
has great
influence on Add an article
a great
children
regarding their performance in their studies. The main reason for believing this
,
is that Remove the comma
apply
parents
think that children
when they see their classmates scoring higher grades, this
will motivate the children
to do extra hardwork
in their studies to score more. Correct your spelling
hard work
Moreover
, parents
think that students that
take their studies more seriously will get rewarded for their results. To illustrate, when I was a school student my Correct pronoun usage
who
parents
always tell
to study harder in order to surpass my friend's score, and Wrong verb form
told me
this
gave me a sense of motivation,
because Remove the comma
apply
at
the end I Change preposition
in
know
that I Wrong verb form
knew
will
get rewarded for my Wrong verb form
would
hardwork
.
Correct your spelling
hard work
On the other hand
, others believe that children
put in a highly competitive environment make the results turn bad on
them. Change preposition
for
This
is because, students will experience an enourmous
amount of pressure that Correct your spelling
enormous
a school students
Correct the article-noun agreement
a school student
school students
could not
handle, so they Wrong verb form
cannot
did
not know when and how to start, and Wrong verb form
do
this
will make the student absentminded. For example
, one of my classmates in the past used to experience such
events. His parents
used to tell him study
harder in order to be a doctor, Add the particle
to study
this
thing has put him Correct word choice
but this
in
some sort of pressure that made him distracted.
In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their reasons. On balance, Change preposition
under
however
, my opinion is that being put in a high competition
makes you want to achieve more, but there must be some sort of reward in the end to get motivated for such
competition
.Submitted by osama2010b on
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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a somewhat balanced discussion of the topic. However, ensure that your examples are clear and relevant, and make sure to fully express both views with supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat effective, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, you should work on organizing your ideas more coherently within paragraphs and across the essay to improve overall coherence.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource shows adequate range, but there is room for improvement in terms of using more precise and varied vocabulary. Additionally, be mindful of word form and collocations to enhance your expression.
grammatical range
While your grammatical range is generally accurate, there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice. Aim to vary your sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.